*it's really long. sorry. i just wanted my feelings out in the open.*
i hate my home life. let me just get that out in the open. i've honestly thought of running away and never coming back. i don't think i'll ever be able to do that though.
i used to love it here. i live with my grandparents and my mom, and life was never really that bad. everyone was always at peace, for the most part. mom and i had our fights, but honestly, who doesn't? no, everything was great, actually, until that day... dramatic i kno.
so, i was sitting at my moms computer, while she was packing. idk where for, but she was packing. i accidentally pushed the mouse, and the screen came on. it was open to her email. i noticed there was one from eHarmony. so i asked her about it. she said she signed up. she was lonely, and after 2 divorces (trying to make me feel sorry for her, ugh) she wanted so find someone different.
of course, i was happy for her. she did seem lonely, and i was proud of her for making this decision. but nothing prepared me for what this choice would bring.
she met a guy. she liked him right away. i didn't. his voice was one of the most annoying i've ever heard, he gives creepy stares, and i think he's actually skinnier than me!!! like i wasn't already concerned about my body, next to him, i felt like a freaking pig!
anyway, so i didn't like him. but i dealt, for my mom's sake. i didn't think it would last. i've never been more wrong in my life.
they've been dating for almost 2 years!!!! 2 horrible, hellish years. and it wasn't just the fact that the were dating. it was how she changed.
she used to be my best friend, someone i could talk to about anything, without hesitation. now, she embarrasses me (not just in the mom way), she picks on me, she talks about me and the mistakes i make, she constantly yells at me about freaking everything, she always tells me what a horrible person i am, among other things. what did i do? i didn't change at all.
so, i ended up not only hating her boyfriend (now FIANCE), but her as well. that's something i never thought possible. and everyday it just gets worse.
i live in delaware, for 5 years now. i love it here. i've loved it here since way before we moved here. but now that she's met steve (ugh), she wants to move to where he lives: new jersey. i used to live there. i know what it's like. i hate it. everthing about it. and she knows this. but she doesn't want steve to give up his precious job or be away from his precious family. and you know what? she constantly denies that that's the reason. so when i ask her what the reason is, she can't think of one. sucks, doesn't it?
they bought a house. already. it's big. no, not big. freaking ginormous. and i hate it. i like small and quaint, not big and in your face. it echoes, which is creepy. i just hate it.
i've been fighting her about this ever since she told me. and she told me when everything was just about final. so i had no way to fight it. i was just expected to go along with it. doesn;t she know me at all? i fought. and fought. and fought. every way i could think of, i tried. i even went to my dad, something that almost never happens. he tried to help. but all that got me was a thirty minute phone call from the she-devil, yelling at me and telling me what a horrible person i was. yeah. i cried. alot. i mean, it's one thing to hear that from someone you barely know, but it's another thing entirely to hear it from your mom.
she says these things alot. i just brushed them off at first. but now they're starting to stay in my mind, and depression is creeping in more and more each day.
she's taking me away from everthing i love, all for her benefit. i don't understand it. and i don't think i ever will.
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