The Ramblings of a Lost Soul

To whom it may concern,

Today I am filled with a conflict of desires and a array of emotions that are confusing and enlightening to myself all at the same time. It vexes me greatly that the greatest yearnings of my current heart are calling for something that I cannot yet identify nor can I seem to get a correct grasp on the sudden and swift changes in my reality. Dire my position seems in my own mind, however I know that the balance that flows from the depths of my being is likely to return very soon. I have no such plans of altering my very center to the point that I am no longer me. What would that accomplish? Would I be a better person for it? I think not for if I simply decided to drastically change everything what would be left would be a failed attemp to become what I view would be a perfect me. Seeing as there is no such thing as perfection I know that this is a fruitless and time wasting idea. On the other hand, I doubt that few would be crazy enough to do it and seeing as I am unstable when it comes to matters of the mind I contemplate the consequences of the possiblility. Urging to become the thing which I cannot be is becoming bothersome in the greatest sense and while I am sitting here wondering what the point of changing is period, I have come to the realization that everyone should just E.A.D. and mind their own business. I believe that is my biggest problem right now, I cannot control the level of involvement people have in my life. I fear allowing people to close to me for all the greatest minds in the history of the world agree with me on one point: the more people know the more power they have, and I do not wish people to have power over me. Especially people that I believe do not yet know enough about me to understand the twists and turns that is my personality. I do not infer that I am an amazing person. Quite the contrary, actually, I find that most of the subtle pieces of my mind and emotions have created a creature none should love and even fewer should like. However, daily my reasoning is put to the challenge and others come forth and call me crazy. I prefer my special form of sane insanity. It breaks and makes me continually and the patterns that my life are circly forming is disconcerting. My mind and body are ready for a change I am just waiting to find the right direction to go. For now I am waiting, if not patiently, for the inevitable to occur. I will have to fight someone for something and maybe I will be the victor maybe not. It matters little to me, except that fight will determine what is to go and what is to stay. This in itself causes fear to ring and echo in the cavernous casim that is my brain. The bread of the earth cannot feed the world alone. Look for the light that cannot be extinguished. If you see it before I do, I envy you. Rise to the occasion and never give up back down or allow another to be the master of you, save Christ Jesus and God.

The ramblings of a lost soul