Nearly 5 in the morning. Tired, but awake.

Recently, I've been driving myself crazy. I've been contemplating quitting my Prozac to allow my thoughts of suicide to come back... Maybe they would be strong enough to allow me to succeed. However, due to my own reasons, this would be a bad a idea. Not to mention, Matthew Leone. would bring me back just to kill me again.

Maybe tearing my knee out wouldn't be though. Haha. It's been driving me bonkers. Each step I take is a jolt of pain... It really isn't fun. At all. And dancing and moshing doesn't help it either. When I'm jumping on it, or pushing my way through a crowd of people, or being thrown around in a pit, my knee is bound to get even more screwed up than it already is.

Which brings me to Battle of the Bands 2009 in the a near by town. A couple of my friends have bands there. I found that I didn't enjoy them as much as I enjoyed some of the other bands. I was more into the incredibly hardcore ones. And man, were they intense. I found myself being pushed into every pit. After the first time being pushed in, I didn't care though. I just jumped in, rather than letting guys push me in. I gained respect from people who never respected me before and it was fantastic.

...I'm failing Math... Still.

I'm single... again. And crushing... on two people.

My grades in general are dropping due to procrastination, laziness, and inability to understand the material. It doesn't help that I'm always tired. I mean, the Prozac is supposed to help with that. It's also supposed to make me go to sleep earlier. Well, look at that time. And I have a gone to bed yet? No.

I found out, that once the time reaches four a.m. I take on a high that is anything but drug induced. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I become lonely and start talking to myself. Which then results in giggles, then laughs, then rolling around, laughing hysterically to the point of tears. Don't ask me what is so funny, because I honestly have no idea.

I've been writing deeper things a lot, lately. I'm contemplating writing a book about me. Not in a selfish sense. But people often wonder what goes on in my head. I figure if I tell them, there would be no need to ask any longer. Is it likely to offend people? Yes. More than people realize. I'm a very opinionated person and those closest to me know this. Some even know this with just one conversation with me.

Just ask my newest friend, Karl. =]

If I were to write some of my works here, would you read them? Maybe. Most of you have only read fanfictions.. What about the original fiction? Or the non-fiction? Do you ever give those a chance? There are few of you who do. You are too busy with the Jonas Brothers fanfictions or the band fics to even realize that there are more realistic stories out there... Like, things that might actually happen.

I am going to use a band fic of my own as an example. Rydon=never really going to happen, but we can dream. Things Are Shaping Up To Be... I have been told it's raw and real. Could this stuff ever really happen to Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross? No, never. Not in a million years. Could this stuff ever happen to other people? Why, yes. I do believe it can.

Now, my original and it's sequel. Original, yes. Realistic, kind of. Could it happen, maybe. Is it likely, oh no. Not at all.

Our lives are the only raw and real things out there. Despite how we cover our problems up, they are still there.... They have only been sugarcoated for the time being until they explode. It's raw; it's real; it's life. Coming to a household near you!

5:08 a.m.

I'm being to see double and my words are being to falter, along with my typing skills. I'm probably typing about ten words per minute less than I normally do. (Which is around forty.) I'm also getting to the point where I am just not going to care about my typos anymore. This is a sign that it is time for me to go to bed.

I have a big day of school and dance tomorrow. Speaking of dance, I need to charge my camera to get a picture of the tower of girls that is stacked on top of me. Hurrah for over five hundred pounds of people on your shoulders. It's probably actually closer to seven hundred pounds, but we will see. It'll be rad and I can't wait to get a picture....

5:11 a.m.

Time for bed. Goodnight.