Ramblings of a Teeenage Girl.

So just like everyone else on this planet, I've done my share of stupid things. Recently however has been the worst I've been in quite some time now and I've realized that I'm a pretty terrible person. I spend soo much time worrying about what a few certain people think of me, that I've forgotten who's really supposed to matter in my life.
I've treated my boyfriend of nearly 3 years, the guy who I can see myself marrying and having children with, like a chunk of dirt. I find myself being so annoyed at almost everything he does, that sometimes i want to just haul off and punch him if he decides to even touch me.
Thats a terrible thing to think, and I realize this, but I've also realized in the last few hours that the reason I've been acting so horribly towards him, is because I figured out how perfect for me he really is. I was pushing him so far away because I didn't think that I should have honestly found him so early in my life. I kept thinking there had to be something I was missing, but I think I just need to accept that all I've really needed has been right here with me the whole entire time.
He says all the right things at all the right times, and he's too damn understanding for his own good. But he's mine, because for some reason- god help him- he picked me.
I use to feel like he didn't even know the real me. Still sometimes, I question why we're together because of the small amount of things we really have in common, but I've realized, we balance each other out.
Though sometimes I wish it wasn't in the way that is, we do. But it's not all about balance, I know at some point I thought that he was nice enough, and lovey dovey enough for the both of us, so I figured I had to be the bitchy, tough girl because those are the traits that he lacks, but I don't. I can be just as cutsey and nice as he is. So although it'll be a hard transition, I think I might just be able to be myself around him again, and drop the mean girl facade thats been crushing my soul for so long now.
So I'm done being heartbroken by guy friends who always push me away, done being a bitch to the man that I KNOW I love, done being selfish, and done acting like I'm alone, because I'm not, I've got everyone I need in my life, and I always have.
So I think its about time I finally let myself be happy, instead of crying myself to sleep for reasons beyond my control. I'm going to start focusing on what I've got, instead of what I wish I was, or had. I'm done feeling sorry for myself, done with being let down every time I feel like everything is going to be alright again, with relying entirely on unreliable people..
It's time to move on, I'm due for a change.