They Seem Like Years In This Month of December

December: The month in which I first saw you. The month in which you began entering my dreams. The month in which my mind first began drifting toward you constantly. Now, here it is, March, and it's still the same. You plague my every thought. My every dream. My every breath. My every heartbeat. Yes, I live, breathe, and bleed for you.

It took two months for us to catch fire. TWO MONTHS, give or take a few days. Yet catch fire, we did. Better after two months than never . . . right? Maybe. But maybe it would've been better if we'd never met - or, at least, gave our relationship a shot. Why do I say this? Because maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. My heart wouldn't break at the mere thought of you. Maybe then, I could go without feeling like I'm being engulfed by a black hole somewhere deep inside of me, bringing me deeper into its cavernous entity. Maybe I wouldn't have to hide my tears around others so they won't know how badly I'm hurting, like I could just die at any moment and not care. Hell, I'm sure dying is better than this. . . barely living mentally and emotionally, yet still physically functioning. Know the quote: "Dying doesn't seem so cruel?" OK, maybe it's not so much a quote as a line in a song, but it's the same difference. That line sums up how I feel.

All I can say is . . . I can't hate you, regardles of what's happened. I want to, but I just can't. I love you more than you'll ever know.
March 20th, 2009 at 12:47am