:'(

One of my best friends kissed me yesterday.

He's a nice, smart, funny guy, he has good deodorant (believe this, it makes or breaks the boy), but he's not hot.

He's a mad piano player.

And he's taken.

His girlfriend is my friend, and she's on exchange for a year, half a world away.

There have been lots of rumours about us anyway, just because I hang out with him more now that his girlfriend is gone and I went to his house once to go somewhere cos let's face it, boarding school can be crap when they lock you inside at 10pm.

We even had a talk a few days ago, wondering if it would have worked out and deciding NO FREAKING WAY. Besides, I have my own set of morals and values. And they include not dating your friend's boyfriend or ex (and he is both, for different friends of mine). Or ruining a friendship. I've done it before. It was good while it lasted...but now we aren't talking as much anymore.

And sure, it was only a kiss on the cheek, friends sorta thing - why can I do it/have it done by girls, but not boys?

But seeing as we were sitting on a piano seat, I think he may have accidentally missed (after trying not to freak me out with a face looming towards me), and got my neck.

I'm afraid of what people will say. What my friends will say. What I feel about him. If he does anything, will I have the strength to turn away? I want to be able to, that's the thing. He's one of my best friends, and he almost DIED a week ago. He still could. He's brave, and he even said he loved me. Can I say it back?

I'm really scared.