Make Your Mark

I've recently had a chance to think about compassion from a couple different angles.

The other day, on the way home from the cottage, I noticed a coyote that had recently become a hit and run victim. He had dashed in front of the driver, and they didn't have much of a chance. Or rather, the dog didn't have much of a chance. The car swerved, but not enough it seemed. Better to hit an animal than roll the car, I guess.

Coyotes are beautiful animals. I think they'd be sort of like big wild dogs - great to cuddle with. Well, great except for the whole “wild” part. And the teeth. And the “carnivorous” bit. Right. So no cuddling. Beautiful in the wild they shall remain. And of course I know that coyotes and other animals get killed all the time. Coyotes kill and eat a lot of other animals too - even cute little bunnies! But even so, I felt like garbage. My eyes actually started to tear-up. Coyotes feel pain too, I figure.

Sadly, the next night, I heard some terrible news. An old friend, Chanelle, and her fiancé had been killed – struck by an intoxicated 18-year old driver while they were crossing at a crosswalk. I found my mind wandering after that, recalling those “close calls” when I'd not been paying full attention: Tired driving. GPS fiddling. Rushing in a school zone. Jay-walking. Usually careless or aggressive behaviour is self-centered, and people think only of others after the damage is done.

Many, myself included, have made the commitment never to drive drunk, but perhaps our commitment should be more inclusive to other, equally dangerous distractions? That would be compassion in practice.

A tragedy often makes people think about things from a different perspective. It occurred to me that it's easy to feel compassion for the families involved, but it's easy to overlook feeling compassionate for the drunk driver. How was he feeling? And how is he feeling now? Can you imagine what it would be like to be him? Compassion is about being moved by the pain of others. And pain no doubt exists on both sides of that windshield. If she could, what would Chanelle say to him? We'll never know, but I have an idea because of a few years ago.

While I had never been super-close with Chanelle, we shared mutual friends, and in fact, she had been a passenger in a car when I was in an accident a few years ago. Too slow to respond, the driver, Joel, rear-ended a jeep stopped for an oncoming school bus. No one was hurt, but his car needed $1800 of work to replace the crumpled hood. Shocked, it was hard to believe how real that danger had been. Sitting apart afterwards, I observed the driver. Shamed and frazzled, Joel sat on the curb with his head in his hands as the school bus of gaping kids stared on. I do, however, recall the clearest memory from then: Chanelle approached him and said, without a hint of blame or accusation, “Joel, I'm so sorry.”

Chanelle had a gift for empathy. What would you have said to him? What would you say to the drunk driver?

It wasn't a busy road (because it was in the middle of nowhere!), so I turned around to go back and just look - I obviously couldn't un-hit the coyote, but I couldn't just walk away. The coyote wasn't dead, and he had made his way off the road, though he didn't exactly have a bounce in his step. Probably he had a broken shoulder or leg, I figured.

Obviously hitting a coyote is different than hitting a person, so please don't think that I'm making excuses for the negligence (and idiocy) of the driver who hit Chanelle. I'm not. But he'll have his own U-Turn to make and a lot to face up to when he makes it. I'd imagine he will need a lifetime of professional help.

I find it hard not to get angry when I think about it, and I think that's a human reaction. But we know that anger doesn't help anything; it's wasted energy. I think Chanelle would have put her focus on rehabilitation instead of punishment. She was going through school for social work - she wanted to give back to those who needed it (she suffered from shyness and an eating disorder as a child). Of course justice is important, but that's for the courts. I'm interested in how you would respond. I think Chanelle would have put her energy into compassion rather than anger. I think maybe we'd be wise to learn from Chanelle in that sense. What do you think?

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My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each days a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned
Leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
If tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts cause there's no second try
So live it like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your whole life

If today was your last day
If tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have
And would you call old friends you never see
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies
And would you find that one your dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'll finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark
By ending a broken heart
You know it's never too late
To shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind
A moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side...

If today was your last day...