How I feel today

I don't know what I am feeling today. It's been 10 months, one week, and 5 days since I have cut myself. I should be happy about that but I'm not. I mean I am somewhat happy I guess but I'm still not sure if I want to quit. I should want to but I just don't know. Last week was a good week. Like nothing really good happened but I was happier than what I have been in a while. I never get that many good days; it's usually one here and there. This week though, I have been to being depressed for no reason. I thought that maybe I was going to come out of my depression and be happy. Guess I was wrong. I'm always wrong with my life it seems like. I feel like I would be happier if I was cutting again. I get so stressed out and I bottle it up. That has been my way of releasing my stress for like ever. I don't know another way, and it sucks because I'm supposed to be trying to quit. It's getting harder and harder to stop myself from doing it when I have a part of me still wanting to do it. As the time I go without doing it increases the more I'm gonna hate myself when I do it. This is how I feel today, not that any of you care.