venting.

Now, I have come to realize that I'm one of the invisible people in this world.

What do I mean?
Well, I'm the kind of person people run into on the streets and don't even mutter a simple “sorry.”
One of the best in my classes, but never recognized.
The girl who’s pretty, but too dull and doesn’t come off as strongly as others - so is left in the dust.
The girl who always gets an “alright,” but never good enough.
The girl you saw who wasn't picked last, but not picked at all…

Yeah, that's me.

But, I think it's funny that when certain people in society are taken from their cligue or the social group they strive to fit into daily - they actually talk to a unique, small girl such as myself.
It happens all the time.

A couple of minutes ago, I was standing alone in an elevator - but shortly after, a tall athletic male disrupted my solitude.
Now, let me note, that I have heard this blonde jock laugh, jokingly at me with his friends after I arrived in the dormitory drenched one afternoon. So, I assume I looked quite the mess - but it was raining, so we can say that my appearance was to be expected.
But once taken away from his friends, we stand in an elevator alone - as he steals glances every once in awhile.

Why is it that some people feel the need to talk in elevators?
I feel as if I've learned most of what I know inside an elevator.
It's like people absolutely need to break the silence - sometimes resulting in a very uncomfortable surrounding, such as in the incident a couple minutes ago.

"Hey" he says looking down at my shoes. "You're shoes are neat."
At him breaking the silence, I look down at my shoes as well to notice that I am, in fact, not wearing shoes - but flip flops.
I look up towards the listing of floors to see exactly how long it was till I go to my floor.

"Um, thanks?" I question.
I wanted to be my usual brutally blunt self and tell him he's creepy, but instead I hold it in.

"You live here?" He questions.
I smile at him. "Naw. I just have an I.D. card that says I live in this dorm that I show you everyday because you're an R.A. And now I'm just taking a joy ride in the elevator of this dorm I don't live in because I just thought that perhaps I would get to spend some quality time with you...And what do you know, I did?"

With that said, I arrive at my floor, and get off before he can respond.

You see, while he might feel compelled to be nice to me for once - I choose not to give him the time of day because I know this game. I have been in this game since I was in elementary school.

I'm on of the invisible people of this world, and I am meant to stay at that position.
Because if I start to believe that he was actually going to give me a chance and be a friend, I would end of getting hurt in the end.

...
I also think too much.
And you know...maybe I was being mean by saying that in the elevator. But I know my standing in society. He, though, seems to be confused at where he belongs because it certainly isn't talking to someone such as me.

That's just the way things go...
I'm clumsy, rough-edged, emotional, and moderately a control freak. But at least I'm not afraid to show it.
People like the boy in the elevator hate showing their flaws. In fact they fight their whole lives to make sure that no one sees them.

But you know what, how is life interesting without flaws?
I don't understand that. Maybe instead of answering him so harshly, I should've have simply asked that question. I'm dying to know.

People always tell me I'm so different.
And now, I know what seperates me from the rest;
That I have been exposed.
Exposed of every single flaw of mine at many occasions. There is never a perfect day in my life. I'm always bound to mess something up....but you know what? I'm okay with that.

Because that makes my life so much more interesting.