Money Matters

I have no clue why I’m writing this…I feel like I’m in a slump right now. This journal is basically pointless. I have some weird frame of mind that when I type/write something down to confirm it I feel somehow better.

So…I’m feeling really…really…well…broke/poor. Which I know isn’t entirely true. I’m just frustrated I guess. I just bought a new saddle, which will be spending the next three or summers trying to pay for. It’s just hard, looking through all of my equestrian magazines and think about all the things that I would love to have, but I know I can’t because of the economy and my family situation. It just puts a damper on things thinking about how basically every other horse-person I know has all this stuff, and they recommend them for me, but I can’t get them because I can’t afford them right now.

I’ve finally wormed my way into a job at the stable. So far I’m not getting paid for anything, but Gary said he might. Plus I might get a job at the local Kreemee (ice cream place). So all I’ve got to do is keep plugging away at it and hopefully I can get the saddle paid off quickly so I can move onto other things…like another horse?

Yes, I’m itching for another horse, I want to have one for western, and one for English. But so far there is no way in hell I’m going to get one. I’m considering adopting one from the South Dakota Rescue Center, or buying a colt from the Wild Horse Sanctuary. Another great option is getting one from the stable, they have tons of colts and Clint and Lynn are always trying to sell me one, so Lynn gave me an offer that if I help him train the horses this summer he might GIVE me one of them! Of course I’m overjoyed.

Another little money situation is my sister. She is in college now and seems to think that money should just be handed to her. She’s splurging on all sorts of crap…then when she runs out of her own money she comes back crying to mom and dad. She doesn’t understand the whole ‘you don’t have the money to do that’ thing...

So right now I’m trying to cut back on EVERYTHING. I’ve stopped looking at horses for sale. I’ve put together a bunch of junk that I want to sell. I’m saving on TONS of stuff at the store. Just anything that can earn me a few more bucks.

But I’m just afraid. My family is in quite a bad situation right now. Dad says our money is slowly running out. I’m really worried that it will lead to the selling of other things. And since ‘the horse’ (flame) is an expense that I have put on my family, I feel like it’s my responsibility to do something. As much as it hurts me to admit it, the possibility of me having to sell Flame is really high, and I’m scared TO DEATH.

I don’t think I could live without Flame. I know people find that silly “oh it’s just a horse, it’s not the end of the world” ugh…take a walk in my shoes and you would understand what I mean. Flame is EVERYTHING to me, my life is a living hell without him and he is my ONLY escape.

Good news is my mom is really open. She says she’s willing to give up a lot of her stuff first. She even says she would sell the camper if that’s what has to happen for me to keep Flame.

So yeah…money is tight, and I don’t know what going to happen. The probability of actually getting to show Flame (Which is like my DREAM!!!) is really slim, unless I work my ass off to get the entry fees…which I’m going to be busting my ass all summer long…

Which leads me to another thing. I see all these people around me that get their futures handed to them, while I’m out busting my ass to get a crumb of what they get. It’s not fair, and yeah I know life isn’t fair 99.9% of the time, I get that. But it’s just frustrating.