The first of many

I would love to talk about some amazingly important issue that everyone can relate to and has no connection to me what-so-ever...but seriously...This is a journal...Its meant to be personal.

Ive tried on separate occasions to write a first entry, each failing miserably because of my fear to keep it as im-personal as possible. But ive found tat its important to keep it personal...for other reasons besides my own.

For reasons unknown to me or the rest of the world, i feel terribly alone. Its not all the time, but some of the time when i'm surrounded by millions of people. Like on trains and buses. It sounds strange and i believe that a lot of people can relate to what i am saying but listen when i say you never know exactly what i'm feeling. Even as i try to explain it, you wont understand it all. But there is always that nagging pain in your chest when you do feel alone. As if you truly are alone, no one is there, no family, no home, no friends, nothing. And that is when you've hit your lowest. I can't say for everyone out there but i know for myself that, that feeling of utter despair and pain is how depressed people feel.

Yeah. I get the fact that this issue has been continually ringed, hello, writing is an amazing release for people. But still, lets ring it once more.

I personally have gone through this stage in my life. And i know how hard it was for me and for some its even harder. But till this day, i am still fighting it, you are continually fighting it, even when you thought you had won. It sneaks up and takes you by surprise. Some survive it, while others crumble and shatter underneath it. Some say it makes them so much stronger. I believe that it crumbles us from the inside out, enjoying the damage that it has created. We change it. And it will always come back and only at the very end do we know if we have truly won or lost.

If it made no sense...Good...If it made perfect sense...Even better...

It wasnt meant to make sense...it wasnt meant to be neat...it wasnt meant to be normal....it was meant to be me...