You can't say I haven't tried... :(

I've tried extremely hard to be everything that you were looking for; what you wanted; what you've always wished for, but there are too many girls out there that can easily grab your attention much faster than I have ever been able to. There always seems to be someone else fitter. Someone else skinnier. Someone else prettier. Someone with a cuter laugh, and perfected smile, and let me know if I'm blinded by your oh-so-perfect light, but I don't see what they have that I don't? You tell me I'm pretty, you tell me I'm gorgeous, but they're only words if you aren't going to try and prove it. I just wish i mattered to you, like you matter to me. I can keep trying & trying until my mind begins to work backwards, but I have to take a break and ask myself whether you're worth it. Yes, your sexy voice, your sparkling dark eyes, your drop-dead-gorgeous smile, your cute little laugh when I tickle you in your special place, that's all worth it. But the way my heart sinks every time I hear you're with another girl, when I see you laughing and flirting, and touching her arm, in a way that cannot possibly be only a friendship, isn't. That non-literally RIPS out what's left of my heart. And I'm tired of this vicious cycle that continues to hurt me. I'm too honest and opened-minded for my own good, and I let people in, and I begin to trust them, giving them a chance they never should have won over that easily. I need to become independant, and no matter how much I think I need you, I need to realise I don't anymore. You've caused me more pain than pleasure. And as much as it hurts, I think I have to let you go. Guys don't realise how much they affect girls' feelings, and maybe I don't realise how much I affect theirs either, but it seems to me, that every experience I've had, I have given my entire bag of efforts, and all I get in return is a shove in the face, and heartbreak. Is it ever going to change? And will I really meet someone who will treat me the way ''im supposed to be treated'' ?