I kissed a girl!

Surprisingly, this story has absolutly nothing to do with my homosexual tendencies (or rather, way of life) but instead with the fact that someone who knew I was gay still went after me! You have to check this out!

Alright, so my friends Jerry, Alex, and I were chilling at Big! Lots and I was buying candy. As I was walking out, they were both telling me "You know that guy behind you was totally checking out your ass, right?" Now don't get me wrong, normally I'm flattered to be hit on, but this guy was creepy looking! I mean, I was wearing guy pants that made it look like I had a saggy ass (which I do, but for heavens sake, they made it look gross.)

We sat down on a rail near by and started eating the candy while the creepy guy was leaving the store. He actually hid behind a pillar, and I kinda got freaked out. I mean, this guy obviously had issues. We were joking around, knowing fully well where the creep was hiding, and I was making obviously gay remarks about myself, so he would begin to get the hint, you know? But he didn't. He emerged from behind the pillar and started walking down the sidewalk in front of me, singing in a high pitched voice along to the blaring head phones he was wearing "I KISSED A GIRL, AND I LIKED IT!" and started doing this stupid wanna-be dance to it! At that point I was like, "Oh, I get it! He's just retarded!"

I was stupid enough to think he was walking away, but no. He turned around and started walking towards us. Oh God, this fool was coming onto me! He stopped in front of my friends and I and started doing this stupid dance thing. I swear, if he got any closer I would've just punched him in the face for making an ass of himself! Then he took out one of his ear buds and started talking. Ok, I had to get this loser away from me, and how else do it than be a total bitch!

"You know, I think one of the main reasons I love that song is because I used to be full on bi when I was younger." He started. Great start *sarcasm*

"Funny. You can't really be full-on bi. You're more like half-and-half." I joked around with him. I knew he was full of shit, so I just got all messed up on him. "You know, I hate that song, because she goes to defend her action as if it were an accident and she should be forgiven for it."

"Oh, I totally agree with you." He said.

"No, you just said you liked it." haha, this loser was so not prepared to debate with me. So he started talking about Prop 8, but he tripped over his words so many times I could hardly stand listening to him.

"You know, I used to be in a gang." he went on to say after I had humiliated him three times in his past attempts to make me give him attention for being gay. I hate people who lie constantly about their sexuality.

"Oh. That's stupid." I said. Honestly, it is. That's a horrible come on!

"Yeah, it was kind of a racist gang. Like, we were cool with Mexicans and Asians, but we were really against black people." He probably only said cool with Mexicans because of Jerry and Alex. Haha. I'm too white looking for him to assume I was Mexican.

"That's not cool, homie. I mean, that's a lot of friends you miss out on when you do shit like that." I started going off. I hate racist people.

"I know. And I regret it, 'cause I killed two guys." Oh, yeah. I totally believed that! Haha, I'm way too sarcastic.

"Dude, that's a stupid thing to say. We just got pulled over by cops earlier. You don't go around talking about that when there's so many."

"I know, but it was a long time ago, and it was because they tried to rape two girls from our gang." Oh yeah right. This guy watched way too many movies. He was so obviously never affiliated with any gang. I mean, I'm more hardcore than him, and... well, I'm me! Haha.

"So you had to go straight to barbarian retaliation rather than talking it out in a civilized manner!" I started. Haha, I love talking like that when someone tries being serious with me! "I mean, you can't take taht back! That's horrible. You could've just kept your girls away from them!" and he started choking on words he could say.

God, he was trying so hard to get me, using stereotypes; assuming I was racist, on drugs (he had brought them up earlier), thinking I liked that Katy Perry song just because I'm a lesbian. I swear, there are some creepy people out there. I wish he would've tried to grab my ass so I could've had a reason to kick his ass!

But yeah. I'm never going to be able to hear that song and not think of that loser again. At least when I got hit on at AMPM, the guy took a quarter off the price of my soda! This guy just made an ass of himself. Haha.