16 and Strung Out On Confusion

Argh, I'm so confused. How was i to know they'd all come to that conclusion?

Okay, i suppose i better explain myself. My best Mate just got a girlfriend, i should be happy for him right? So why am i feeling like this; like he let me down. There's nothing going on between us, but i won't say there never has.

When we first met afew years back it was at my mate Kenny's party and i knew him as the guy in the Linkin Park shirt. We met again at my friend Brooke's party and swapped emails. I i hardly ever went on msn, but i started to when i know he would be online. We became really good mates at Kenny's party that same year.

He asked me out afew weeks after that, but i couldn't give him an answer as i had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and i valued our friendship too much to even think of jeopardizing it, so we just hung out as friends and decided that nothing would ever happen between us, yet my feelings were growing stronger by the minute. In the end i realised that he was that 'One In A Million' guy you will meet and that's the reason i felt so strongly towards him and what i was feeling was love, yet i wasn't inlove with him. (does that make any sense?)

Many things have happened since then and i thought it was clear to everyone else that there was nothing going on; obviously not clear enough. All my friends at school though i liked him and so did all my friends at his school. Him and a friend kissed and all she and everyone else would think of was "What would Beaton think?!" She came running towards me feeling horrible about the whole situation. I told her there was nothing going on. I hoped she believed me.

Today i was talking to Kenny again and he wanted to know if i like him (my best mate). Yet he couldn't give me a reason behind his question, i wanted to know why he thought there was because everyones been asking me that and not telling my why.

I don't know what to think or do, i don't know what he thinks either. Apparently I've been acting as if i do like him, but how is one to act a certain way when that's how they've acted the whole time? I just wish the creases would iron out so that i know what's going on, i hate it when i haven't a clue what other people are thinking and finding out the hard way.