Hurt

hurt:to cause mental pain to; verb: offend or grieve
betrayal:verb: to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling

I have never been this hurt in my life. I started dating this guy nine months ago and to me he was perfect and he actually talked to me like he loved me. He seemed like he wasn't bullshitting me, but it turns out during those nine months he was lying to me. He was lying to me over something very important. It was over the death of someone close to him. They were'nt really dead. He gave me a bracelet saying it was theirs before they died, swore up and down he wanted to marry me

and it turns out,he was lying. I've never been this hurt in my entire life. I've had people trying to tear me down my entire life,but I had never let them close enough to actually hurt me, but I did him. I told him everything and I trusted him. This is the first person I've ever loved and I don't know what I'm going to do.

When I'm stressed out I eat, but I learned that when I'm hurt I don't eat. I have this giant feeling in the pit of my stomach and my throat feels like it's going to explode and my eyes are bloodshot. I always swore to myself I would never be stupid enough to let someone hurt me like this and I did. I feel like my entire bodys being crushed underneath me. It's not only emotional pain, I'm feeling physical pain.
I figured out about this aduring a bad time. Not only did I learn the truth about my boyfriend, but my mother went in for a routine surgery in which a doctor almost killed her and has been in and out of the hospital ever since.
I let people in
I gave permission for someone to break me heart,
and they did.

How stupid am I?