Who i want to keep and throw away to the curb.

I usually hate and never want to journal/blog about anything but post my poems and lyrics, but i just seriously need to. I want to drop some friends, but i just can't yet and yet i wish i still had a couple of them back in my life for I miss them dearly. They were my world. I know for a fact since I lost 3 of the best people I have ever met because they moved, or we grew up and went our ways that I will do whatever it takes to keep the 2 people that have been with since day of my family shit i won't ever let go. I just can't.

I lost my first friend of about over 10 years when she moved to the country Poland. I feel like a horrible person because she would always write to me and i would either loose the letters or procrastinate to write to her. Since I did this, I haven't heard from her for about 5 years or more. I'm terrible I know. As for the other 2 friends out of 3, we just went our separate ways and we always see each other but it feels like we are strangers now and we can barely hold a conversation.

My two bestfriends that have been with me through thick and thin are alina and kelsey. I guess you could say I am scared shitless of loosing them. Kelsey and me are literally soul friends. If you guys know what ying and yang are thats exactly what we are. We are complete opposites about everything yet we know exactly what we are thinking, what to do, say, we are in sync with eachother. no matter what. Alina is exactly my twin. We are basically the same person and it's always an amazing time with her and she actually gets my humor unlike the rednecks here are to busy fucking, drinking, and getting fucked over.

However, I don't care what happens if I loose any of my guy friends or my one friend who claims us to be "bestfriends for ever and ever". I actually am beyond annoyed with her and want to end our friendship now, but i can't. Sadly to say i use her of her knowing so many people, being able to bring me with her to nights of "fun". I despise everything about her, the way that she over uses everything, takes everything of mine and hasn't gave back any of them yet, always looking and acting white trash. I just I know it's bad that I do, but I know once i move back to new york and away from ohio I will get rid of her for good. What makes me laugh though is that she is so attached to ohio, but says she is going to live and move to new york with me. I mean you know those people who say they are going to move and do something great with their lives, but end up staying and being a nobody later on!? That is exactly how she is and i'm not just saying this, I mean it. I hate how she makes everything about her when I try to talk to her about something serious going on with me. She relates me having a passion for music and me trying to make it to how she wants to be a lawyer and that it's not going to happen. I don't know. I'm sick of this and I have been ignoring her gradually and just playing dumb and of course she doesn't realize it. People say she's a drama queen and makes everything about her and i didn't believe it till now.

I know you people are like wow. How mean can this girl be!? She's a bitch, she's not a loyal friend at all. I wish I knew the girl she depises so much and tell her about me. Honestly I don't care I just wanted to get this off my chest.