Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes its so hard to think that people actually care. I feel hurt most of the time, and cant find a way to get around it. People say they love me, but hardly do they show it. All i ever wanted was someone to love me like i love them. They tell lies all the time, they dont think im strong enough to handle the truth. You have no clue how ready i am. The truth may hurt, but all the lies hurt worse. I have been used before, and thrown away like old trash. It sucks to know that is all people think of you. I cry a lot, sometimes for no reason. With no shoulder to cry on, my pillow holds my tears. Soaked all the way through, when will it dry? It was thought that medication would help me get happy, and i thought so too. As of now, i have to disagree though. Im so hurt and broken apart. My heart is shatterd into a billion pieces, and i have no glue to fix it. I feel like i have one person that cares. She helps me through my troubles, and actually cares, but she has problems of her own. I cant just throw my problems on her, ive got to do it on my own. If only i was strong enough to get out of this hole of dispair. Ive been stuck in it for about 2 years, with no escape. How is someone that is supposed to love you so, not give a shit? All i want is for him to tell me he loves me, and mean it. I cant just get pushed aside, when i need him. I thought i didnt, but sometimes, i really do. He doesnt care that most of my tears are for him, and he will probably never know. I keep my problems inside, which i know i shouldnt. They build and build and build. Ive had a few breakdowns, and im probably close to another one. Ive turned to other things to help me ease or forget about the pain. But it all comes back! Usually worse than before. Sometimes i think the only way to get out of all of this, is to end my life forever. But then i think about the very few people that would be affected by it. I can't hurt them like that though. Sometimes i feel like i might have to,
I wonder if they would understand....