My depression and how I feel about some people...

I just don't know what to do...
I'm becoming more out of touch with the ones I care for and when I do get to talk to them they just tell me everything that's wrong with me...
Like I don't know I'm a screw up...
Like I don't know that I'm annoying...
Like I don't know I'm just depressed all the time...
Like I don't know that I'm ugly...
Like I don't know that I'm a complete psycho...
Some days I could just leave...
Just cut that little fucking bit too deep...
But then I think of all the people who actually seem to care about me...
Sam...
Your my best friend in the whole world and I don't know what I would do if I ever hurt you... I feel like I can relate to you... We are just both fucked up kids I suppose...
Nemiel...
Your like an older brother to me. I really look up to you and I think I piss you off sometimes and you just want to tell me to fuck off but I want to say thanks for sticking by me and keeping my hopes up but also telling me the truth. No matter how bad it may sound...
Ari...
Your my amazing, crazy older sister that tells me when I'm being a dick but she still stays with me...
Clint...
I have no words to describe you...You sometimes seem like a friend, you sometimes seem like a brother and odd as this may sound you sometimes feel like a little sister and I know we don't talk much these days but I still want to say thanks for sticking by me and cheering me up when I'm down...
and finally...
Jake...
Your the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much and it kills me that we have to be apart. When I fuck up something your the one I feel most guilty about telling but you also comfort me and tomorrow seems like a fresh new start. Also I know I've hurt you and you can't deny that but I just want you to know I love you more then anyone else in the world. You are my strength, my pride, my future and my role model... I love you Jake...