Alrighty.. the last two weeks have gone by so quickly for me, it's only now that I actually took a break and thought things over.
♥ I just bought a new CD. Something Pinoy (FOR THE FIRST TIME!) for my collection.
to the journal part (don't judge me, please) >>>
April 21, I admitted to my ex's brother that I LIKE him. That same night, he admitted he LOVES me although I knew he somehow had a crush on my best friend (and former girl crush) Christine. We hugged and made out and then he started touching me... I pushed him away because I felt uncomfortable and he just hugged me and I felt better. He walked me home too but the silence was VERY awkward for me and I thought he was pissed because I pushed him away.
April 23, I apologized to him about it and he said what he did was foul and wrong and that he respected my decision. So everything became okay.
April 25, I went with my mom and siblings on a weekend trip kind-of-thing. My ex suddenly texted me that he missed me and that he still had feelings for me but then he found out that I was dating his brother. Then things became awkward again..
April 28, my boyfriend told me to visit him because no one was with him and we could spend time together and stuff.. So I went. (Because his friends didn't know about us yet, we couldn't do anything in front of them.) We were making out when he suddenly pinned me and started touching me. Even if I did push him away, my body was already against me. (Stuid hormones.) We ended up doing it. When I was dressed and just playing with my phone, my ex walks in and gets shocked. He leaves and doesn't show up anymore. When I got home, I took a shower and cried myself to sleep.
May 1, my parents were going to this family dinner and because I had ballet class, I didn't go. Instead, I told my boyfriend I was going to visit him but I intended to talk to him about what happened. However, he kisses me and I get all light-headed and I forget everything. He brings me home but my parents weren't home yet so he kept on kissing me. Then he started touching me. Luckily, we saw the car coming so he stopped and went home.
May 2, I told Christine about what happened and she starts getting pissed at me for losing my virginity and being such a slut and stuff like that. I was already crying and I told her I wanted to break up with him and she still kept on talking about how disappointed she was with me. Like I wasn't pissed at myself either.
And now, I'm trying to break up with him but I can't do it in front of him because I know I'll just fall for him again. My best friend isn't even here for me because she thinks I'm a whore. She's not returning my messages and my boyfriend is probably going to get really wasted if I do this.
[/rant]
When class will start again this June, I won't have any friends to help me out. And to think it will be my SENIOR YEAR.
HELP! T_T
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