My Life

Every time I get mad at Frankie, he does something stupid, or he completely blows me off for his friends, he writes me something.

This is what was given to me for my birthday.
[[the quiet friend is a reference to me... which was a surprise to me]]

The high school experience is supposed to be the time of your life. My experiences have been fun but full of lies. I don’t know who I am due to the pressure of friends. I act a certain way around different groups. I am even apart of different groups like the “popular” kids, the “quiet” group, and even the “burnouts”. To some I am the funny guy, to another I’m the athlete, and at times I am the quiet shy one. High school is a memorable experience but for me its been a crazy ride.

“Hey man, what you doin?” says one of the “popular” kids. “I’m just sitting at home waiting for something to do,” I reply. “Dude, I’m having a party cuz my parents are gone and its gonna get crazy!” he answers. I hate drinking so much but this is a “popular” kid. Every kid dreams of being the one of those kids who everyone talks about and all the people know. I don’t want to go. “Yeah dude I’ll come.” I go and have a mediocre time drinking and watching my friends get drunk. My friends are passing out left and right on various pieces of furniture, I see another one throw up and even some of my friends are still playing drinking games to get even more messed up. I think to myself this isn’t me and I need to change my ways. I find a place to crash and try and escape this “popular” lifestyle. I wake up the next morning with a grueling hangover and get online to see if I need to delete any embarrassing pictures. I get an I.M.

“I thought you were doing drinking, you told me on Thursday you were done with that,” says one of my “quiet” friends. I can feel the anger in her words. “I know and I think last night was an eye opener and I’m going to stop,” I reply. “This is like the 5,000th time uve said this to me and I’m starting to question if you are ever going to stop,” she says. “Starting today I’m a changed man,” I say. Her and I carry on with our conversation as usual talking about things like music and things we have planned for the week. These things make me feel better like if only my “popular” friends would understand this. She recalls a time where I ditched her to go to one of my favorite bands concert with her. I remembered that night instead I went to a house party and got drunk like I always do just to show that I’m “cool” like all the other kids. The phone rings.

“Duuuuuude, we have so much weed come smoke with us,” the person on the other line says. It’s one of my “burnout” friends. The thoughts of my previous conversation with me “quiet” friend run through my mind. I told myself I was done with doing these kinda things because they don’t make me happy. I would much rather pay back my friend by hanging out with her since I ditched her. “Yeah, dude I guess I can come for a little bit.” I reply. My life is becoming other peoples all mixed into one and my life is no longer fun. I continue to please people just so they will like me so I’m not even living what is considered to be my life. We roll a couple of joints and start to smoke. The smoke begins to fill the room and I’m watching my friends look like idiots not being able to function. They start to get the munchies and they pound through bags of food and again I feel as though this isn’t for me. I’m better than this. I stay for a little while longer till I sober up and then I leave. What am I doing. My life consists of me pleasing people. Why can’t I just be me.

Thats it. I’ve had enough. Today is my day of reckoning. I’m going to take the advice of my “quiet” friend and do things my way. I’m sick of being a people pleaser. All I do are things to make people like me or think that I’m cool but I’ve had enough. I’m sick of living everyone else's life and I’m going to start living my own. I don’t need drugs and alcohol to be happy. I need friends who like me for me who don’t pressure me into situations so that I feel stupid if I don’t partake in certain activities. My life will be full of people who care about me, sports, music, food, family, and other things that make me feel great even when I’m having a bad day. That is the kind of life I want my life to be.