Carlie J.

As you know I’m seventeen, about to graduate and a mother of a two-n-half year

old girl. The sad thing is I can’t get my self together enough to go and see her, I don’t mean

I’m on drugs or don’t have the money; I just mentally couldn’t handle to visit her at her

adoptive parents place then leave and not have her with me. The reason I write about my

daughter so much is that she is very important to me and everything that has happened in

my life.

For me getting pregnant at fourteen was an accident, but her birth wasn’t. There

are quite a few things I regret about my past but my daughter isn’t one of them. Weirdly I

miss staying up at night to take care of her, but at the time I took it for granted and didn’t

realize how much I would miss all of it. When she would cry, I would cry because I wasn’t

positive how to handle everything. I always wondered if every mother was that way. I believe

that if my mom was around when I had my daughter she could have guided me I might still

have her. No I wouldn’t be going to public school but I could do online home schooling. At

the same time I know that giving her up for adoption was for the best.

It was heart wrenching to give her up. Not once but twice. I thought that it killed

me the first time when I was in the hospital. It hurt me so bad, I couldn’t even look at her it

was so hard. As you sign the adoption papers the agency in control has to have someone

read it out. I wasn’t crying at first but as she continued to read I started to; slowly it just got

worse and harder to sign my initials. By the end of the papers I was in hysterics and had to

have help to leave.

Slowly over time I sort of started to get back to normal, but when I got a phone

call saying that Carlie’s father refused to sign the papers we had to have a meeting with him

and the adoptive parents. In the end I decided it would be best if I took her back and raised

her myself. I juggled school, 2 jobs, and taking care of Carlie when I was at home. It was far

from easy and I realized why I decided to give her up for adoption. Things were getting too

hard where I was living, so I moved back her to Port A. After many arguments with her father I

finally made him realize what I was going through and that he would have to be paying child

support for the next 18 years, along with having to be around to help me. He signed the

papers.

Coy and Kristi, Carlie’s planed adoptive parents had there lawyer send me

adoption papers again so I signed them with out even reading them, I didn’t want to. We

took them to the notary place then sent the papers back to Coy and Kristi. Later that week

Coy and Kristi drove down here and meet my mom and me at a fin; that’s the last time I saw

my daughter in person.

After that is when I really got into drugs and drinking. I was staying out all night,

lying to my mom, and constantly getting my self into trouble with people that weren’t so good

to be around. About a month into all my problems I snapped on day and realized that after

everything I went through for my daughter and me I made myself stop everything; Cold

Turkey. Now I am a senior in Port Aransas High School, I’m seventeen a mother of a two-n-

half year old girl named Carlie J. and I’m going to graduate in less than a month.