Journal Entry 1

Thursday, May 14, 2009
12:24 AM
Remy's Journal

Today was a day like any other day in my life. "A Day in the Life," as the Beatles might say I guess. Woke up, got out of bed late, rushed to school, yet still late. Forgot my phone at home, so couldn't text or call anyone til I arrived home. Got home, hung out with my friend, Brandon, for two hours-two hours in which were simply spent playing X-BOX 360 and watching "Tenacious D," yet again-second time this week. Internet finally decided it wanted to work again after being down for about a week and an half. Missed about six, maybe seven homework assignments over the week due to the internet being down, but my teachers decided they didn't care about my internet troubles and still put me down with the "Not doing homework" comment. The fourth school quarter just began and already I'm barely passing Chemistry with a 65. It seems to me that the only things preventing me from focusing in school, at least in Chemistry, is the fact that I'm moving to a new school next year and I've been feeling depressed and the fact that I'm in search of a girlfriend, which I think the world knows I will never get one because I'm too shy and picky. Why do girls have to split into two categories-either they are mean and bitchy, yet hot, cute, etc., or they are nice, but not so attractive. Not trying to be mean, but in my school that is how they are divided. Sure, I have plenty of friends who are girls, who I do in fact care about, but I don't intend on dating them because I only see them as friends. Then again, I also have a bad habit, a curse, in which I say to myself I will overcome my shyness and ask one of my more attractive friends to be my girlfriend, and then to my luck the next day they are dating some other guy-usually one who is athletic, cute, badass in their opinion, and they never break up. This happened to me ten times, within the same month too-great. Then there is Erica, a girl I barely know, and yet crushed on for nearly two years without talking to her. She is a grade below me and because of that I felt I had a better chance of getting with her, because for some strange reason girls like older guys-which by the way is who stole my luck from me with my other crushes, Irony kinda I guess. Anyway back to Erica. Finally this year I decided to try and get to know her, you know, become friends, friends who maybe later in life would become more then friends. Yet for some strange reason she instantly hated me. I don't know why, I'm not an ugly person, so I've been told by my more attractive friends. So anyway I tried talking to her on AIM and it went well at first. We had a pretty decent chat about ourselves and then I said I gotta go and such. About a week later I Instant Message her again on AIM saying, "Hey, what's good?" You know the usual, and she didn't reply so I figured, maybe she was idle and not near her computer. Next day in school I try to introduce myself to her in school, but kinda mumbled due to the shyness and she said I scared her in a way, so I don't know. So about a week later it is her birthday-because it said on her facebook, so I got to school, saw her, and wished her a happy birthday, to be nice. She either ignored me, or didn't hear me the first time I said it because I had to say it a second time for her to get it through her head. I left her alone for about five to six weeks and then tried to converse with her again. She replied "No offense, but please don't IM me anymore." Which I don't get because I only Instant Messaged her maybe four times in total, every three weeks within two months. And in that time I only said like "Hey, what's good?" to see how she was doing, but I guess I was scaring her more in a way. But like anyway since the first time I saw her I liked her, for some reason. I mean, yeah sure she is somewhat pretty, in a cute way, but not drop dead gorgeous like others in my school. Also she isn't as "filled out," body-wise like other girls. So why do I prefer her over them, I just don't know...but in some weird way I think I might care for her.

If anyone has advice, then please, I'm all ears-that is if your able to read through this mess of a journal entry...