Sometimes I just need to express myself.

Life sucks. It truly does.
Mood swings are fun, but also are fucking crap.
I've made a lot choices in the past few weeks. I made life fun, I made it exciting. But every so often, with all the fun things, I crash. Everything gets shitty.
I don't really know who I am any more.
I have all these ideas, all these dreams. And then, then I have these other ideas, these other dreams. And these ideas, they're completely against the other.

I'm not insane, I'm not crazy, that's not what I'm getting at, I'm just,
Not in control.

And I like to be in control, I like to be balanced.
But right now, I'm not balanced, I'm in between, but not impartial, I'm a bit of both, not neither.
I don't want to be both good and bad, both happy and sad, I want to be one or the other, or neither.
I want, to either be the hero, or be the villain, I don't like being both. I'm not morally equip for being both.

I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do.
And that, well that fucking sucks to be honest, I've almost finished my first year of college, and I still don't know what I want to do.
This isn't right, I look at things, I think, "I could do that, I'm good at that." But, is it what I want to do? Does it pay well? Is it worth it?
I hope, this time next year, that I've at least found something, that I'll at least be qualified for something.
Cornwall is still a green light, I can be a hero in Cornwall, I can do it all in Cornwall. It's where my calling is, it's where all my ideas and dreams hold their hope, even though not much will be different, the town, my destination for 2 years, looks the same as this one, it's the same structure, it's the same locations, it's just, different.
I'll be different, I'll be someone who I dream of being, who I want to be.
I won't be constricted to pleasing my family, to following what my mother and father want, and I'll be Jack.

And I'll either be the hero, or be the villain.
And I'll write, and I'll work in the music business, and everything will fall into place.
Well, until I fall in-love with loose women, and spend all my time chasing girls and drugs.
But, you know, maybe I'll be happy.