Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming

Okay...So here we go again....

I'm losing it more and more every day. I dont know how much longer I can take it. And I torture myself more and more every day. Keep listening to his voice over and over. Songs he used to sing to me. Just breaking myself bit by bit. Then I break down and ball my eyes out.

I like the feeling of having something to cry over, but I'm not used to the fact that there's no one there to control the amount of pain I give myself. He was my barrier. He let me test my limits but knew when I was becoming self distructive. I don't know how to keep an even balance.

I want to slash open my life blood and watch it pour out in front of me. But I know that's too far. That's destructive and I won't compleatly break without telling him goodbye at least. But I'd never be able to tell him goodbye, I don't have it in me, so I won't ever compleatly self destroy.

...Should go read my new poem