First time ever, ever, EVER deleting a story. Congratulations? Beratings?

Yeah, I guess the title says it all. The story in question is (or rather, was) Just Like Heaven, which no one ever really read, and thank God for that, because it sucked shit and Jesus Christ I cannot believe something like that ever came out of me.

I mean, I think all my stories are my children. And in that case, JLH would have been the ugly, useless, repulsive one that isn't (or rather, wasn't) even legitimately mine. (I don't even know how that work, but it would work.)

Fine, maybe I am being too mean. I was different back then. Which is a stupid excuse, but there's nothing more legitimate. I mean, I don't suppose I was drastically different, but different is still different. It's not like some sudden tacky metamorphosis from a goth to a prep, it's something more and it's something less and it's not exactly growing up but it's close enough to be just a little frightening. It's a shifting, it's a displacement, it's the little ways you unconsciously work your way out of the chalk outline of your present being (or whoever the hell you used to be that you aren't quite anymore). Being who you used to be isn't unbearable and you could pull it off, but at the same time it is horrible and intolerable and you can't pull it off at all because the more you try to figure out who you were the harder it is to say, til the only thing you know is that it's not what you are now.

And you're back to square one. You're different from who you are. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? I don't know. I don't even know why I think about stupid things like this. I don't even know why I think. I mean, it's like Thomas from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - I've thought myself a million times out of happiness but never once into it. Thinking never does anything for me except make me even more confused and retarded and depressed.

All I know is, I deleted a story.

And in the end, all that comes down to is, who the fuck even cares? Children are getting raped out there, and what am I talking about?