what's going on in my life

Where to start. Well I guess I should start by telling all my friends on here that I made it a whole year without cutting myself. I didn't think I could do it and I did. I guess I should feel proud. I am mostly but there is still a part of me that wants to do it. A lot of stuff has been happening lately that has made the urge even stronger. A kid in my grade committed suicide 11 days ago. He seemed so happy. I guess he was like me. I make people believe that I am happy but really I'm not. I was just starting to come of of my depression and then this happened and I'm right back in the hole. Except this time I'm not trying to hurt myself everyday. I have the urge too but this thing with this kid killing himself has made me think of my experience with suicide. I've tried to kill myself. I wanted it so bad. I just keep think that it could have been me. I feel so terrible because people tried to help me and I just told them that no one cared about me and people wanted me dead and just stuff like that. I am sorry to anyone I said these things too. This has made me realize that people do care even if they hardly know you. For the first time ever I want to be alive. I'm not the happiest person but I don't want to make people go through the grief that this kid caused everyone. The only good thing about this is that it has brought everyone at our school together. I truly want to get better from my depression and cutting and I will get better because I want to. I don't want to be like this anymore. My chicka Terre Smith you are right. I do deserve happiness.