upcoming birthdays and overwhelming stress

wow.. it's been a bit since i've posted anything on here, i've been okay i suppose, in 3 days i'm turning 18, and all the pressure and stress of it is taking it's toll, i was raised homeschooled, never been to school a day in my life, and soon enough i'm going to begin classes for getting my G.E.D, then after that college and a job, i'm just stressed out so bad over all this, it's overwhelming me thinking about all the work that's going to be thrown on my shoulders, my parents are trying to make me feel better, they keep telling me not to rush myself and that it won't be as bad as i'm thinking it's going to be, but i've always been a someone who worries alot. about the only few things i'm looking forward to is getting my first tattoo with my mom at the beginning of the month, we're getting a 4 leaf-clover on our wrists, marcos told me he would take me to a couple tattoo shops to find the right 1 to get it done at (marcos is this guy i'm sort of seeing, but we're not officially a couple, we still consider ourselves friends, but it's more than that) confusing i know, lol. anyways, i hope maybe him and i can do something on my b-day but if not i'll be find doing something with my parents. i recently helped move marcos into his second-story condo on the beach, it's a beautiful place, the backyard is pretty much just the beach except for a little patch of grass, and after we got his room all organized we laid some blankets down and made a small little bed on the floor (he hadn't gotten his mattress yet) so we spent some time together, and i got to meet his roomates "tim" and tim's mom, they were really nice. i'm happy that marcos has got a nice place to stay for awhile but at the same time it's put even more stress and sadness on me, he lives only about 20 minutes away from me and he acts like it's WAY out there, so far out that he'll rarely see me, things use to be so much nicer when he only lived right up the street, we saw eachother 2 sometimes 3 days a week, now i'm lucky if i see him once a week, and now he's telling me that i might have to have my mom take me to his house and he'll drop me off, or the other way around. when we first spoke of all this he said if it came down to it i could spend the night.. but then a week later, i was talking to him, he had a couple beers previous, and all the sudden he was like "uh.. i don't usually have people stay the night, i just don't." so i was pretty pissed at this point, well i didn't call him for a week and a half until i finally decided to call him, he asks me if i can help him move, so i did, and as we're moving stuff in his room, he mentions something about "so when you and anyone else stays over.." i was just like 0_0 what?? but i was happy at least he had changed his mind on that, but then he managed to anger me again cause this girl in the store was flirting with him, talking about how she can't wait for work to be over, and marcos talking to her about work, then he says "i just wanna get a beer tonight" and in her idiot-giggling voice she leans over in a whispering way and says "after this that's what i want to do." so he has the nerve to say "well i'm going to the _____ later so, remember that." with a laugh, he says this shit right in front of me, i doubt the bitch ever got to meet up with him cause him and i stayed at his house until 11pm and even though his roomate and him were going to get a beer after he dropped me off but i doubt he saw the little bitch, and the nerve of her to flirt with him while i was freakin' standing right there with him. needless to say the ride back to his house was a quiet one, and then when we got to his house, he makes up a bed and lays back, i sit down but don't lay back, and all the sudden i feel this hand wrap around my waist and pull me back, he always pulls me back to lay my head on his chest while we're watching a movie, at this point i'm still frustrated with him, and then he starts rubbing my back and just being his usual sweet self, and as always, i give in to my heart, men are my greatest weakness, and he's one of those men that can make you wanna kill him one minute and kiss him the next. all i know is, i need to find a guy who actually wants a relationship, who wants a girlfriend and who lives a more stable lifestyle instead of this constant moving around thing that marcos does, it always kinda hurts my feelings when he talks about how he just wants to get the hell out of this place and go to tampa, even though he's promised me before that he won't just ditch me and i'll never hear from him again, it's hard for me to trust people.. especially men! i'm not in love with him but i care about him very much, i mean the guys been my first with everything practically, i've known him for only 6 months and he's changed my life numerously, he's helped me feel better about myself physically, he's given me more confidence in myself because of all the attention and affection he's given me, and he's helped me realize more and more who i am as a person. he's given me so much more than i ever had before him and i would never regret meeting him. i know things will be alright, i'm just stressed about turning 18 and stuff, i could really use a cuddle from him right about now lol. anyways, i'm okay, it just helps to vent sometimes. all my friends, even my mother says she truly thinks he cares for me like i care for him, whenever i'm upset or something he always knows, he always asks me "are you okay?" or "you look like you wanna say something?" he reads me very well, and as for his frequent stupidity, he's a guy, it happens lol.