hmmmmmmm...idle thoughts i guess

listening to 'i'm a flirt' by R-Kelly
not what i normally listen to but i love it
i got a new hoody today
it's the shit
it's an icp hoody with all the joker's cards on it plus the hatchet man
and there are hatchets on the back
yay
it looks pretty sweet
i wanted the other one but it was like three times the cost so whatever
ahhhhhhh i can't find my man right now
i don't even know what state he is in lol
ehhhh he probably is in NC
which i have to say that i love what i've seen of NC
i haven't seen a lot but i like it
hoppefully that will be where i live in the future
i want to move with him up there
i don't know what i want anymore
i'm so confused
and they're trying to take him away from me
i know i have to get on his nerves with all of this negativity
but i just can't tell anyone else
none of them are close enough
he's come to be the only person i really trust
and if they take him away i don't know what i'll do
i can't handle being alone
and i can't trust people enough to be with anyone else
i think the only people who have never screwed me over in some way is him and my grandparents and maybe my little brother
both of my best friends have screwed me over
i just don't know who to trust anymore
i don't trust family or friends
and with trust comes respect
and if i don't respect someone then i don't really care about them at all
and with all of the times i've been screwed over it's hard to trust people that are honest
i just don't know what to do
i need to get away from this it's driving be crazy
like litterally i am losing it
and i don't know how to get back to a happy stable place
i just wish that i could find a way