What if I were to screw up? Huh? Would you still love me then?

I feel like there are certain people in my life that only "love" me because of the picture they have of me in their mind.

I have a feeling that there are certain people that wouldn't want to be in public with me if they knew certain things about me. If they knew that some nights I have to desperately hold back from making certain mistakes. If they knew that sometimes at night I have to keep myself from living out those thoughts in my head.

People would laugh and turn away if they knew I was a 14 year old desperately trying to not go for another drink. People would wrinkle their noses and be repulsed if they knew that I crave a ciggy, when I've never really had one before. People would flat out neglect me if they knew from time to time I get the most suicidal thoughts stuck in my head.

There are four people in my life that keep me from doing those threes things and I love them dearly. But, they aren't here right now...

The funny thing is that except for a few exceptions most of the people I've known for a long time would probably turn their backs on me if I happen to have the guts to live out whats going on in my head. And the weirdest part is that certain people that I've just recently met would probably stick with me through all of this.

So if I were to screw up, you probably wouldn't love me as much anymore, would you?