Monday, 25 may 09

I've been sick for the past 2 weeks, missed out on exams. For two weeks, for once, I didn't feel like i needed a gf. For once I didn't have that thought eating away at me. And I get back to work, knowing I have to get back to school, get rejected for the seventh time, and it all just fucking crashes down. Doesn't help when the radio plays songs that remind me of Biddles. I honestly thought I had a chance. You would think each rejection would hurt less. It doesn't. It hurts so much fucking more. Each time you think about all the times they said no before, it just eats away at your ego and self esteem. I feel so fucking worthless right now, then again, always have. Even when i'm happy, buzzing with excitement, I still feel like i'll never be worth the people i've loved. I guess I never will be. It's a fucking hard burden to carry knowing that people are always gonna say no to you. I can't begin to explain how horrible I feel right now. There is no way in hell i'm sleeping tonight. Yeah, I have work tomorow night, I really don't care. If she is working as well, then fuck that, i'll spend the night cleaning the cage, fridge and freezer.

Just pretty much spent the night crying infront of the heater. Not much else to do, Frances said she would come over, I even cooked spring rolls for when she turned up. Yeah, she didn't turn up. Guess nobody wants to be with me at the moment. Guess it will always be like that. I seriously feel like i'm ODing on emotions. Everyone deserves to be loved. I just guess i'm no-one.