People in the world..

Honistly people in this world are fucked up so bad. What ever happend to when you could walk ina room and be fine. Walk around say hi to everyone and everyone even if you were at war with eachother you were all nice. What the fuck ever happend to that?

What happend to being who you are? Speaking your mind? Haveing your own thaughts? Not being fucking mindless zombis wearing fucking bright ass colors with tutu's because Hayley Williams of paramore wore a tutu on stage with a bright yellow top. What ever happend to natural beauty? Not thick black eyelinner with black eyeshadow. What ever happend to being okay with who you are because no matter what there was one person who like you for you, not becuase you have money or you have a cool car or you have the coolest hair style or you can afford american egale clothing.

Personally I don't care what people think, sure it hurts what they say but I'm gonna say what I wanna say I'm gonna speak my mind. If i wanna wear shorts i'm gonna wear shorts. I'm not the skinnyest person out there i realise that but its to damn hot to hide in big ass baggy jeans and a long teeshirt. And in all honisty I hate myself for it, it make me sick to my stomach to be this way, I should be quiet and just fallow the crowd be just that little girl you can walk all over.

Today I spoke my mind for the last time, I've cryed for the last time, I called myself pretty for the last time. I feel like shit, but this is what has to happen. And I write this jounral to show what I;m feeling since this started. I said somthing I shouldn't have to my bestfriend in the intire world. Shes the only one I have, and I've lost her forever. I lost the love of my life and I lost my bestfriend. Honistly there has to be something wrong with me. No one loses this many people because she doesn't fallow the crowd.

Honstly that friend means the hole world to me, and I rather disapear then have her sad. If I could turn back time and never meet her and if I were to never meet her and she would be happy right now...I'd find a way and I'd do it. I love her with my hole heart, and I really hope she reads this and understands that this is just how I am. And how I'm sorry for feeling this way and how I just want her to be happy. The second she tells me to disapear I will, and as of right now I need a reason to not disapear. Please if your reading this Sugar plum, you know who you are, give me a reason not to disapear. Please.

-may 25 6:59pm-