Social Anxiety.

I wish I could go to a party or a bookstore or something without immidiately being aware of all the people there and what they probably think of me. Sure, I'm socially inept, and I'm not really the best looking person in the world, but that doesn't mean I have to be constantly aware of it every second that I'm in public, right?

I'm sick of trying to be everyone's friend. I'm sick of looking for acceptance and not finding it. I'm sick of going into a public place and feeling like everyone hates me. I can't even go out to eat any more without having at least 5 mini-anxiety attacks. They're just people, right? Why am I so scared of them? Of what they think of me? I shouldn't be. But I am. And I'm so aware of all the things that are different about me.

Whoever said that ignorance is bliss said three of the truest words ever spoken. If I was completely oblivious to all the things that other people think of me, I would be so much happier. So why can't I let myself shut out all of the negative things, and just enjoy the positive?

[/end emo rant]