Emily,
I'm too scared to tell you this to your face, or over aim, so I want you to read it...
I'm jealous.
I'm so jealous of every single person you hang out with besides me...
Honestly, especially Carrie.
She dropped you like a hot potato, and I was there for you the whole time, now, all of a sudden you're friends with her again?
I'm so jealous and I feel so bad about it... I don't know why I'm jealous, I just am.
I love you, Emily. I trust you more than I trust anybody, and every time I see you with someone else, I just want to hurt them.
I feel so horrible.
I'm a horrible person for feeling like this, and I don't want to be jealous, I really don't.
I wish it could be like the time when I was really the only person you hung out with, but you deserve better than that. You're such a good person, and you deserve much better than me. I'm selfish and greedy, wanting your friendship all to myself.
God, please don't hate me for this, I just want to tell you how I feel, get this off my chest. At this point, I don't care if you get mad at me for this, or think that I'm clingy (which I've realized that I am), I just want to get this out, to tell you!
I need this weight off my shoulders!
I realize that your life would be terrible if you had only one friend, but, really, you're the only person that I consider a real friend and I wish that you would feel the same way.
Quinn, I really spend time with her just to see Cole, and that's terrible. But she's grown annoying and tiring. She's nowhere NEAR as important to me as you are.
I mean, I've already decided that, if we're still friends when I'm 18, I'm gonna get your name tattooed on me, on my chest. On my chest because you're so close to my heart.
I need you to realize that I want you to have more friends than just me, but I hate the thought of it...
I'm selfish for thinking this way, I realize that, and, again, I feel horrible for feeling this way, but, really, you saved my life Emily. You, quite literally , saved my life.
And you still are saving my life. Every day I have at least one thought of hurting myself, or trying to kill myself again, but I shake it off simply so I can see you again.
But, I haven't seen you in, what, a month? If it's not your family, it's babysitting, or hanging out with other friends...
I'm getting so depressed again, and you're the most effective antidepressant in my life. Screw Zoloft, screw Abilify. But, if I never see you, how is this supposed to get better?
I feel terrible for being jealous, but I just am. I'm jealous of your family and I'm jealous of your other friends.
If you read all the way through this, thank you. I love you, and I want you to be happy. Please, please, please don't let this make you feel bad, it's my own fault for being clingy and selfish.
I love you,
Margie
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