I'm in your cage, for infinty.

Feeling like this has passed,
Before.
Ache that's digging,
Inside of me.
Times like this,
It gets hard to breathe.

And I'm choking on what you're offering me,
A paradise, life.
A smile, increasing happiness.
I'm not sad, and I don't need you,
But this makes me smile,
As it rips away,
My mind,
And all the trust I've set to give away.

And an ache that's digging,
Inside of me,
Times like these I want to pray,
And it gets hard to breathe,
So hard to breathe.

And life is so close to me,
You'll take everything.
Ever increasing happiness,
I'll give myself again.
I'm not sad and I don't need you.

And the ache, it's digging,
Inside of me,
Times like this I want to break,
And it gets hard to breathe,
I'm not sad and I don't need you,
Please take everything from me,
Take everything from me.

Btw, I'm still banned form journals, so if you're reading this, you've got l33t skillz.

This chair really fucks up my back, I think just sitting on my computer has become bad for me, more than it already is.
I should probably rearrange my room at some point, mainly just the desk, maybe sort it out so I don't break my neck leaning against the wall.
I'm going to a festival next week, I'm also buying -a lot- of weed, something I've got to not be stupid about, I've never not remembered something completely, my memory has always been kinda sketchy, I tend to live for the moment and all that (And also, avoid dying) so it's good.
And anyway, I'm going to this festival to experience the festival, to listen to the bands, not to get memories of the festival, and memories of that band.

Memories are overrated anyway.

Even more so since I'm dreaming about things that I dreamt about 7 or 8 years ago.
Really dark stuff.
I'm sorta realizing, and remembering, that I haven't had the perfect family bring up that I seem to think I have.
Tons of repressed memories, minor stuff, dreams about dark things I've forgotten about,
And remembering these things, re-dreaming is kinda crappy, but, I suppose it can help me progress in life, or just progress in the moment.

I need to shape my life, I need to shape my mind, the way I see myself, the way I even picture myself in my dreams, is not me, looks nothing like me, and acts nothing like me. Some could even say that's the Jack while I'm still leaving in my own mortal name But whatever right, since can only take us so far, but plastic surgery has come a long way, maybe if I ever become wealthy, I can invest in the physical appearance that I see myself as.
if not, well, I've lived with this way for 16 years, I can easily see another 40 or 50.

I want to work on some avant garde, audio-art music stuff, real deep shit, sorta inspired by some people on mibba, sorta inspired by people I know in real life, and my dreams, and drugs. But I currently don't have the dedication, I will eventually though, along with MiND, and P:N, I think I definitely need to do this. (It'll probably full into the P:N category.)

I'm still considering joining the army, if I'm physically fit and mentally stable in 5 years, I'm not planning to strive and work towards it at the moment, just if it happens it happens, and I'll have the experience I really want to join the army and be a leader, and kill people, so I can have the experience to write about I think that's some dark shit, but everything has been dark, but everything seems to be good, to be happy, to be alive.
I guess that's all.