Have you ever dealt with or are right now of this gut feeling for years or for a while that your gut is telling you what you should become? And that you don't know where or how to start/beginning on the right path for your career? That's exactly how I feel since i was 3 years old, but didn't recognize this till i was in the 4th grade. Is it crazy? I believe so, but i don't know what to make of it.
See for years I was obsessed with my future and what I would become. I don't know why I guess i was just terrified of what was going to happen to me. That I wanted a for sure answer on my life that I would turn out okay and be known. For I don't want to die, leaving no impact on the world and people all over it.
So for years I've had this gut feeling that has told me that i belong in the music world. I know crazy right? I mean it's one in a million that get to make it and live their dreams. I guess I fear of being the million and not the one. That I am scared of my future and still somewhat obsessed with it, because of it. I know that music is what I am meant for. However, I just don't know how to start or get out there to make it happen. For years I would belt out a song or sing to backstreet boys when I was 4, and then started writing that I thought were poems, but really turned out to be lyrics instead.
Not many of my friends know about this, only a couple, because I think they will look down upon me, judge me, and think of me differently. For some of my friend's already know what they are going to be and have it all planned out, even my brother. Just having the pressure of my brother knowing since the beginning of high school he is going to be engineer. My friend Alina always wanting to be a lawyer and making it happen by being on debate team, saving money for law school, etc. My friend Kelsey that I have always known since I moved here is going to be and will be a psychologist. I guess I'm just so scared of not making this dream, this gut feeling that I have. That it won't fall through and I'll be homeless or living off of my father for the rest of my life or even worse working at a job not a career. I believe everybody has a destiny, a career in life they are meant for just like a soul mate. I just don't want to end up like some people who fuck themselves over and ruin their lives.
The pressure of going to college, getting a practical job, living up to brother's great life, knowing already what I should become. But if you knew me and hanged out with me you know that I wasn't meant for anything ordinary in life. Oh NO! My mum even told me that I wasn't and that she doesn't even know what I will become in the future. I guess you could say I'm just totally lost, scared, and a futureholic. Your right I am, but I just can't help it. I could continue writing more and more and more about this, but I think I got my message across and probably already boring you about this.
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