Depression is killing me.:(

Theres so much shit going down at my house! My mom cant pay the rent weve been really low and bad.I dont got television.I spend the whole day in my bed hearing musick and yes I admit Im a guy but I do cry because it kills me to see my mom like this. I lost my job so Im not helping at all. So far Im in a relationship for a year and 3 months but the problem is I feel that im effecting my girlfriend. Like her 15's is coming up and Im not going because her mom doesnt like me and it brakes my heart that all her ex boyfriends are the ones going. Shes dated since Elementary so in middle school we met and I fell inlove with her but I cant pay attention to her or to my friends and I feel like a jerk. Many people say that they understand but they dont understand. Their rich and get everything they want. I cant. My dad left me when I was a baby,He turned his goddamn back on me when I was born. FUCK! Everything in this world is a bitch! I hope he dies and burns in hell! Somehow I feel like im hurting everyone around me.A thought of nothing is going to get better always haunts me. Something is killing my insides. Is there still hope?Is there a reason why all this fucking shit is happenning?Huh?If there is...Gimme a sign of hope or or something. Please......

I dont text much anymore. I keep my feelings thoughts and everything to myself...Im in pain just thinking of how my mom is working her ass off and looking for a job but nothing no goddamn shit is appearing good for her. She has been losing days of work. We got no money to pay anything anything. Were clean. Its been about 9 months with no new pair of shoes. and No new clothes. I hate my life!!!!!!!I will always regret doing everything I have done! This is crap! I just hope to die! Im sick in my mind! Yeah ive been told and Im not getting over my depresison until Everything gets better....

Im sorry I just had to share all this....

:(

help.....pleaseeeeee....?