Friends?

Shitty things seem to make the world go round, no? Because this is what has become aparent to me, and I know for myself that this is true true true true true.

Frankly, I myself feel like a shattered mess right now. I just got done with having my mother cry about things that have bugged her for years and they've finally exploded, which has let my own thoughts over the years flood back to the front of my mind. To warn you in advance, none of this will be organized and probably won't mean anything to any of you.

I love my friends I love my friends I love my friends. But the thing is, I honestly don't have any. Friends support eachother, right? Or am I simply crazy? Have I been dilusional all along to think that friends were good people, or is this as good as it gets? Because if that is the case, I don't want any. They have not been in my situation. I think I am in love, and I'm not sure they believe me. No, I know they don't believe me. We kissed yesterday, and I swear, there was something there amidst the awkwardness of it all that meant something! Nothing has ever meant something in my life so far. Now I've never felt that kind of love before, so I'm not sure it's it, but what the fuck am I supposed to go on? The media? Fuck no. So if the people I hang out with can't get over that, they should fucking shoot themselves because they don't deserve to be on this planet.

It's not that, even, but I've been told that they have to try, to fucking try, to be a civilized, kind person to him! No, it isn't hard. He's human, and so are you, dumbass! You can think it's hard all the fuck you want, but if you say it to me, go shoot yourself.

They should have expected that being total bitches would piss me off, but they clearly didn't. I know your heart is just a blood-pumping organ and has no sympathetical value whatsoever, but it still hurts when it's broken.

Note: I had to write in a book today. It made me die a little inside. >.<