June 16th 2009

My parents have rushed my cat to the animal hospitial today. I'm at my grandmas because they don't trust me staying alone when I feel this bad.

I just want to rant. You don't have to read it all, you can skip straight to commenting your "I'm sorry"-s. Or you can read it all and know what you're sorry for.

So I was happy all today. I've had a wonderful week and nothing had gone completely haywire. You know, your perfect day where your hair wasnt that bad and your makeup was perfect and no one messed with you? I was having one of those days.

I took a shower, because I wanted to feel clean, and as soon as I walked out of the bathroom my dad called my name and told me to come to the kitchen. I walked up the hall and saw him, indian-style on the floor next to my orange cat Opie. He was rubbing Opie and Opie was laying with his head in the water bowl. He tried to get up, and everytime he tried to get up his legs started shaking and the rest of his body trembled.

So as I was thinking through what was happening, we're not even sure he's dying, he could just have a bad cold or something wrong with his urinary tract like other times when he doesnt feel so hot.

With my grandpa dying a little over a month ago, and now my cat (who was fine when I got in the shower) is getting sick after 20 minutes of me taking a shower, 10 of them he was in the position my dad had him in.

Then I came to the desicion that God has to give us something to bitch or complain about, but some people have to have more things to bitch about than others. He may do this on purpose, he may not. I can't find how to put it.

I realized that God (sorry if it's not in your religon) has to tell us something through signs. These signs make it more difficult for me to cope with the death of my grandpa. I would love to have him back.

I'm worried about it. I can't think of what they're doing to my cat. I'm afraid that my other animals are gonna grieve to death like they did when my other dog died. I'm afraid of what could possibly happen.

God's got it out for me. I wear NO smile like said in Paramore's song Misery Business.

God's like the world's bitchy teenage girl. He can manipulate our lives to make us feel like shit. If not God, then fate. Or destiny. I'm scared for my parents to come back to pick me up. With or without my baby.

I'll post an update later.