I Need Help...

i am done with my pills, with the cutting and with the throwing up. i have been done with all of them for a few months now. i just cant seem to go a day with out wanting or almost needing my pills back... the samething with cutting i can just almost feel the sweet kiss of a blade across my bare skin. someday i just feel like i need it! so bad that it makes my whole day fall apart. i have someone that i hold very close to my heart. her name is tori. she is the one that helped me get of the pills and stop the cutting. she holds me and tells me everything will be ok. i belive her but, i hate runing to her feeling down and out. i am scared she is going to get tired of it like alot of my friends. so i try to hold it in. then it just seems to tare at my heart strings. if anyone is out hear me call for help... what should i do?