I need some Help.

I was undergoing counselling for severe depression, eventually I was discharged from the clinic because I was so much better.

For the last two months I've fallen back into this big black hole, there's no light at the end of the tunnel, the sides are steeper and I don't have any lifelines. I really do feel that commiting suicide would be the answer, but I know if I do I'll ruin everyone elses life- so that little reality check is a good thing isn't it.

Its sellfish. I know that if I did do something so stupid again, life would be hell on earth for everyone else. Fact is I have no one I can talk to, when my friends found out I wasn't exactly healthy they walked out the door. They didn't want to know. I have a guy at my work who I could feel I can talk to because he's not involved apart from me fancying him.

The only motivation I have right now is cafeine. I'm drinking so many cans and bottles of energy drinks, coffee, tea etc. Anything that can make me buzz. It's unhealthy I know,.

But you know what scares me the most is that i don't want to fight my way out of the hole this time, I can't anymore.