Two Words to Describe Me.

Manic Depressed..

The two words that the doctor used to describe me. It fits, I have my up days and my down.

I mean one day, I can be the happiest person in the world, everything going good, and just being happy, then the next I could be sitting in my room wishing that I had a blade to run across my wrist and pray that the pain flows away with the blood.

I have had it under control for a while, there was more happy than sad, and that is all good, but recently the bad is starting to overtake the good, and that is scaring the shit out of me.

I'm in fear of losing a place to live, I have no friends and I'm running out of family to live with, I can't find a job(which sucks) so I have no money to go to Idaho to live with my boyfriend, and I don't really know how long I have to live here where I'm at now, so everyday is like "is today the day" kinda day, and I'm worried.

I just sometimes want to wake up and take something to end it all, but then I think of all the people that I talk to everyday(that live so far away from me) and my boyfriend how sad they would be, and I just can't do it, but I don't know what I'm going to do.

I guess I'll just leave it in God's hands and see what happens...