Well, fuck me sideways a lot has been going on! I guess I should start from the beginning even though its a subject that I'd rather not speak too much about.
On Wednesday 22nd of April my Gran died. She has been dealing with senile dementia for around four years and my Granpa was forced to put her into care less than a year ago. The last week or two of her life was very painful for her so death was a release in many ways. She was not really alive to me for a long time before her death, the dementia took her away from us so she could not speak and hardly knew who her family was. It is true that I will miss her dearly but in a way I'm happy she is finally free and if there is a God and Heaven then there is no doubt that she is there right now, looking down on us, with the God she loved so much. She was such a good woman. She didn't deserve the things that plagued her. She died peacefully, I think, but she did not deserve the years of confusion and loss and probably fear that she encountered before her end.
R.I.P. Mair Thomas, the best and most loving Gran I could have ever hoped for. Even though we were not blood related you will always be my Gran to me.
Gran died less than a month before my GCSEs began and I still had coursework I had to do. Then, just to make matters worse, I got a bad case of tonsillitis, perhaps brought on by the stress. It was so bad that the doctor thought I might have Quinsy, which is like an abscess on the tonsils, and I might have to go into hospital to have an operation. He gave me medication, but I started getting scared that maybe it was Quinsy. I was going to go back to the doctors but a different doctor made a quick house visit to check up on me and he assured me that it was just a bad case of tonsillitis and I wouldn't have to get the operation. So that was one thing I didn't have to worry about but I still had to go to Gran's funeral with a throat that hurt so badly I could hardly speak let alone sing the hymns. The funeral was beautiful and went well though. At the crematorium I did something that I wasn't really supposed to do. We got there late because my sister was following a car that didn't actually know the way there themselves so I ended up having to sit beside Mrs Bevan at the front, which was okay for me but I knew Granpa needed me. So, as the curtain was being drawn around Gran's coffin and another hymn was being sung, I walked down the row to stand beside my Granpa. It was certainly a cause for conversation and something that many people said they would never forget but not because they thought it was disrespectful and wrong of me, but the opposite. I didn't really think about what people would think at the time though. I didn't know many people there and all I cared about was Granpa needed me. My father was not going to be of much help or support to him. I know Granpa was grateful of what I did and it helped him so that's all that matters.
I failed my second Welsh oral exam. I didn't even know about it until around two hours before I found out about my Gran so I didn't revise for it at all. I said something like two words. I've already spoken about my first exams in a previous journal so I won't bore you with them. The rest of them...I don't know. I'm dreading results day. Like I've said before, I need five C grades at the very least and I can get into college. Maybe with an amazing interview, which is on Wednesday, I might be able to get in with four but I doubt it. If anyone has any pointers on how to do a good college interview please comment. I seriously need all the help I can get.
Now for the good news!
I have my first boyfriend ever! I've met him a few times in the past, the first being a few months ago when he was going out with Steph. It was the day he found out she'd been cheating on him and when I saw him the first thing that crossed my mind was, "Mmmm, nice". I saw him around now and then for months, but I never spoke to him or even really knew his name. A few weeks ago, the day after my Media exam, I went to Swansea for what I thought was going to be the last time until my exams were over with Sarah and Eirlys and he happened to be drinking with the same people. As we were waiting for Steffan to get alcomahol for us he started talking to me which was kind of unexpected but I went with it. He invited me to his place that night because he had just gotten his own flat and was having a little house warming party but I knew I would never be allowed. For the rest of the day though, we talked a lot about loads of stuff. I discovered he is the vocalist for Oblivious Behaviour, a local metal band that you should definitely check out, and he has a couple of other bands on the go. I also discovered he is very persistent. For the whole day he was trying to get me to come to his flat and I tried my best to persuade my mum to let me, or at least Niz to get me later that night but they refused. I promised him I would go over as soon as my exams were over though. I went back to Swansea on the Saturday to see him, even though I was in the middle of my exams, but it was raining all day which sucked arse.
One week later, my exams were finally over. Steffan was supposed to be coming to Ryan's flat at the same time as us but he kept getting distracted, so me and Ryan left without him. We went to buy a film first, then took a bus to his flat. We put some music on and he played guitar for a while, then we just talked. It was nice. I sat beside him on the beanbag and he put his arm around me. When Steffan came over, we put on From Hell, and cracked out the beer. I still sat on the beanbag with Ryan. A few minutes into the film he kissed my head, which resulted in me kissing his cheek, which resulted in a massive make-out session. Then he asked me out and, obviously, I said yes. And I think it is probably one of the best things I have ever done. We ignored Steffan most of the night and I have no fucking idea what that film was about. Something about Jack the Ripper and I think Steffan shouted "lesbians!" at one point... I've been going to see Ryan as much as possible but since he lives in Swansea its kind of hard to see him all the time. He's completely skint at the moment so he can't come down here and money isn't exactly growing on a tree outside for us either... Not only do I have to get the train into Swansea but a bus to Mumbles as well. He made me walk fucking five miles in New Rocks the other day! I got him back though... ;)
Amber xxx
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