Vampire Kisses? Gagging.

The Vampire Kisses series by Ellen Schreiber.

I read the first one.

And was sorely disappointed.

Many of you may remember my last journal - my own personal input on the Twilight series. And you all know that I hated it.

This is worse. I found it in Barnes & Nobles two days ago. And threw it across the room.

The first one, my friend sent me a link to it online. Yes - bizarre. But she told me I had to read it, because she knew I'd laugh.

And yes, I laughed. A lot. A whole lot. Because the whole thing is just plain horrid, that the only thing I could do to keep myself from smashing my computer to bits, was laugh.

Let me elaborate a bit - Ellen Schreiber. I thought she was twelve, honestly. The writing style of the book was on such a low level! The dialogue was generic, the sentences dull, and all around it wasn't even close to professionally done. But for some weird reason - I continued to read.

(Warning: This will contain spoilers)

It all starts out where we meet one teenager - well, she's not a teenager yet, in the beginning. She's a child, who states in her class that she wants to be a vampire when she grows up.... Most kids that age have no clue what a vampire is, but that I can let slide, because it's not that unrealistic.

Then comes in the explanation of her parents - who were apparently, hippies when she was conceived, let her stay up late watching horror movies and each junk food all the time. How she was not obese is beyond me.
Those are horrid parenting skills! I have never once met a pair of adults who would let their children stay up all hours of the morning watching old Dracula films, and eat twinkies all the time! It's completely pompous!

Next, comes the explanation of her resentment towards her parents. They stop letting her eat twinkies! ...No, well, that's half of it. They kind of started ignoring her, since her mother was pregnant with her younger brother. Her dad had to actually start working! (Wait, was he not working before? Then how could they afford to rent all those movies, and a TV, and a house?) And her mother started to go to sleep early, and stopped being all fun a bubbly. Tough, that's pregnancy.

Then, they made her go to school!!! Oh my gosh, how incredibly horrible! Okay, seriously. Kindergarten was bloody amazing. You got snacks, and could sleep, and played dress up, all you had to learn was the alphabet and how to read. Not terrible.

Anyways, it kind of just starts flashing around and BAM! She's in High School.

....As the school reject. She's the only goth in the entire school. I find that extremely unrealistic. Public schools have tons of goths and other kids trying to stand out - it's High School. That's how it works.

Apparently everyone else is a Barbie, or a Ken, and she only has one friend - who she treats like crap and makes her do all this stuff for her. Dunno about you, but I'd treat my only friend a bit better than that.

But the thing that really got me, was the fact that every jock was in love with her. Seriously! They kept hitting on her, but somehow resenting her at the same time. And this tiny little goth girl could be up a soccer player (Or was it a football player? Something generic like that), oh yes, I can see that. None of it made any sense! If she was the reject, why would all these guys like her, but treat her like crap at the same time?!

Summing it up, since I don't want to ruin the entire book. The vampire thing was completely generic and over used, the girl was a Mary Sue, written in the point of view of Ellen trying to relive her High School days as a confident, sexy, teenage girl. It was horribly written, didn't really draw your attention, had gaping plot holes, and honestly - I'm ashamed that it was a series. The books were all barely 200 pages - if that! And the font was gigantic. She could have probably put all six books into one, and it wouldn't even be as long as the Seventh Harry Potter book.

I don't recommend this book to anyone who wants to keep their sanity. Anyone who actually enjoyed this book, and are fantasizing about your own mysterious, vampire boy to come sweep you away - I suggest you find a real boyfriend, or at least go out with some friends or something.

Again - All ten to seventeen year old fangirls that come onto here and try and point a point, you will be laughed at. Mainly because no point in the defense of this book could be valid.

Note - You know, things like the Twilight series and the Vampire Kisses series wouldn't bother me if they weren't so frickin' popular. There is no reason for these to become best sellers, they're horrible! Or maybe that's just this generation's intelligence level - books on a sixth grade reading level. Sad.

Second side note: THEY MADE IT INTO A MANGA?!?!!?!? Dear Buddha, why!?