I've never been this lonely.

Today I was sitting in my room, like I do everyday, thinking about what my life has come to. I was thinking about how I wasn't so damn depressed, when I was happy with life. I moved 5 years ago, to a small town, I'm a city girl. The first year was hard, that's when I decided to cut. The second year, I had many friends, but none I called my best friend. Third year came along, I finally had a couple of good friends. Then the fourth year came. Friends abandoned me, cutting progressed to greater measures to heal the mental anguish, nobody would listen to what I had to say and family started to realize what was wrong with me. Since this has happened nobody has really understood what it's like to be in my mind all day. I'm stuck in my mind and I want to escape, but I can't. I'm screaming to get out, to get help, but the worlds on mute. I haven't been this lonely ever. Nobody to talk to, nobody to call my friend, my family ignores me, friends in Texas no longer talk with me either. I'm trying to figure this thing called life out and why the fuck i get everything wrong. I thought when you ask for help, someone, somebody out there was suppose to help. I fell into a pit of darkness without a flashlight, or ladder to get me out.

"I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile.
How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself
on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. "