Dying to be thin (in need of people with experience)

So... let's do it all again, I tried to submit this journal 4 times already and each time it got deleted.
This time I'll copy every line, I swear! Smile

So, what was this journals supposed to be about?
Let's get straight to the point, since I'm tired of writing the same thing for the 5th time.

I wanted to talk about eating disorders. They all have the same causes: peer pressure, media, stressful life, etc.
I put my attention mostly on Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa.
These two diseases are very strong, I think people don't even take them as seriously as they really are. It's sad to see that these diseases are becoming more and more frequent amongst people, although there are lots of movies, books, documentaries and similar things to educate us on this subject.
Anorexia shows itself everywhere: in the media(models, actresses,...) and in the real life too.
I even believe that these two diseases are actually diseases of our modern world. We made them.
Every time you buy a magazine, each time you watch commercials...
We can't put all the blame on them, like it's their fault. We made it so hard to fit in today's worldwide standards of esthetic's, we made the scales so impossible to reach, that everyone who tries to please the standards of the modern world is falling off again and again.
Nobody is perfect, but the world still wants and expects perfection, although it is impossible to reach.

For the past month, I watched, what seemed like a million of documentaries, mostly about Anorexia(thought Bulimia is usually involved), I've read articles about it and even watched a few movies on this topic.
I was shocked when I saw how cruel this disease truly is.
Anorexic people starve themselves in order to lose weight and become thin. They know they can't control the standards of society, instead they start to control their bodies.
They control everything: how much calories they eat per day, how much they exercise, overall everything that happens to them and their body.
But that is not the start of Anorexia yet - it's just the beginning.
At first, they begin to feel good about themselves, they wanted to lose weight and they do lose it. They are happy and proud of themselves; but not for long.
This temporary happiness soon turns into obsession about their bodies. Nothing is good enough.
They eat less and less and they exercise more and more. In their minds there is no room left for anything else, but food, exercise and their bodies. That's when they start losing contact with the world around them. They are left alone, with their obsessive thoughts and they keep their secret to themselves. But eventually, it becomes too much to handle.
They think they have control over it, but in reality they don't. They don't even feel as thought the problem is serious. But it is very much serious.

Deeper and deeper they're falling into this disease, more depressed they become. The voice of Anorexia becomes identical to their own. They never feel good enough.

You're fat!
Run faster!
Eat less!
That's too much!
You should not eat that!
You'll never be good enough!
You're just a fat cow!
You're useless!

That's all they listen to.
All day long, from morning to night. The deeper their depression is, the harder they deal with themselves. Here is where self-harming and alcohol and/or drug abuse. A lot of them try to attempt suicide.

The only hope for them is hospital, recovery. Although they think they can do it on their own, they can't. It can't be treated at home. This disease has a grip too powerful to handle.
If they don't get help, the only thing that follows is death. Their bodies become weak, even a fever is too much to handle. This could be one way of dying, the other is suicide.

With Bulimia it's almost the same. While anorexic people are starving themselves, bulimic people over-eat and throw it all up afterwords.
This, also, leads to obsessive behavior. Just like people who suffer from anorexia are obsessed with weight, food and exercise, people with bulimia are obsessed with food and throwing it up.
The reason for this is, that bulimics see food as their problems, the root of everything bad that has happened to them. They stuff their mouths with all the food that they can find and eat uncontrollably, with that they feel fear, sadness, happiness, loneliness, fullness... Everything that's in their mind is associated with the food.
After eating, however, they feel disgusting, repulsive and they puke everything up. They are too ashamed of what they are doing and that leads into depression too, most of the time. Hiding a secret is never easy, especially a big secret as that.

When it comes to recovery, the two diseases are to be treated differently, because of their emotional relations to food.
Anorexics have to be around food. They like to cook, grocery shop, prepare food, but they find it hard to eat it, because of the fear of gaining weight and with that losing the only thing they could control.
Bulimics, on the other hand, should not be around food, because of their obsession and negative emotions related to it, they would eventually start to over-eat and throw it up again.

There is something else I'd like to mention here.
Bulimia often came with anorexia and it's mostly used when someone, who suffers from anorexia can't control their hunger any longer, so they eat and as a punishment they have to throw it up.
Therefore, a lot of anorexics suffer from Bulimia as well.

Please, if you know anybody who has Anorexia or Bulimia, don't wait until it's too late, you have to find help for them. Tell the parents or somebody who will know what to do. Even if you just assume, it's better to prevent that to heal.
And don't forget, these are the diseases of our own society, we made them and it would be immature of us to just turn our backs from it.

For all of those, who are struggling with any of these diseases, please, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's impossible to heal this on your own and everybody deserves to be happy, even you. Don't waste your life by hiding yourself behind and eating disorder.
It's not your friend, it's your enemy. Ana and Mia will not give you life, they will take it away.
The power to fight them is inside of you, you have to use it. Remember, where there's a will, there's a way.

Finally, if you have any experience with any of these diseases and you would like to talk about it, don't be afraid to contact me(in the comments, or in the PM, if you would like privacy). I would really like to know as much as I can about ED.

Love and Peace,
Purple