should i wake up and smell the roses? or should i wake up and realize the roses died with my dreams

so today i realized that life in general is falling around me and i cant change it or stop it. when i was younger it felt like i could fix everything but really i didnt change anything i made it better but never fixed it. so y cant people realize that i am trying to deal with my stuff yea i have budget issues and anyone who can i help me i will try anything i dont want to be broke anymore. i hide it very well that im not broke when i am. so heres part of y im so upset my 39 year old sister went to jail for not paying child support, my 38 year old sister is hiv positive and seems to always be sick and is soooooo obsessed with having everything be perfect. my mom is crashing cuz she cant handle everything im trying to get my $$$$ issue dealt with and i cant, my ex boyfriend wont leave me alone about dating cuz i slipped up and was vonarable and slept with him. and i told him many times i dont want to date and he donts hear that he hears maybe down the road and yes i slipped up by saying that like 2 months ago n he cant drop that. and im in love with my best friend "nick" but he is dating a horse face and i had to pull him off the train tracks last night cuz she said she didnt want to date him anymore and so i watched him cry and then today i found out they r fine. like of course i want my best friend to be happy but at the same time i want him to be happy with me, like we had a fling for 4 months while he was still with his gf who he says he'll never cheat or lie then what was he doing with me, he was cheating and lying to her. which makes me feel like ill never be good enough like all i am is ur gf/sex partner at night n will never be seen, so how i am supposed to wake up and smell the roses when the roses died with my dreams? my mom and my sister got into a fight over me cuz my mom lets me get away with everything and doesnt put her foot down until she is furious and yes i do walk on my mom but i dont realize it until its too kate and i dont want to be like that anymore and i have stopped that and we r getting better it just hurts knowing nothng u say or do is ever good enough for anyone, all i want is my 1 sister to realize she needs to grow up and my other sister to relax and realize the world isnt out to get her. and i feel like i cant even post this shit on myspace or facebook cuz people will get pissed but i dont give a shit anymore u no? so thank u all for reading my chapter of life and if u have any feed back write me and i will respond to u thanks