Another Depressing Rant to make the Crowds Cry

this rant is in 2 parts, how i feel about the world and how i feel about him, they are labeled for your convience. Message, Comment, Love (everyone knows i need it) Kazi

Me

I want to disappear. I’m not in to this whole life thing. It’s not my style. Being happy when there really isn’t anything to be happy about, it just makes me cry. How can people be happy as they lie in their beds at night, the dark eloping them, covering them. How can they be happy as the dark suffocates them? Turns them into clones in a factory, manufacturing happy, civilized people that always know what to do and when to do it. How can everyone be happy when they sell their souls for perfection, scrubbing away every nasty inch of horrid mistakes and friends of mistakes? Is this really normal? Is trading everything these people, these screams in the night have so they can stop screaming, so they can smile and walk around blind to the world, is it right? To wipe away emotion and badge the scars, to clean up the bad act and replace it, is it really what people should do? Act like nothing is going on, pretend not to kill, not to feed off difference and depression, pretend that every cheerleader, every teacher, every lover isn’t just some crazy sicko, some vampire that feeds off of human suffering and enjoys every last choking sob of the victim as they laugh, screeching and cackling like beasts of fantasies that always have bad endings.

Him

The touch of his skin. The way his hand barely brushes into mine, it drives me crazy. The way his voice speaks, the sound of his voice, making me feel like I belong, but I don’t. I know that because of the things that voice says. How he talks about Marshall’s sister, not in a perverted way or anything but how he tells my brother about their date for Wednesday. He knows I’m standing there but he doesn’t care. Or the things he says about his summer health course as we walk home. Apparently having sex with Sam is considered rape, he’s not sure if it’s disturbing or funny but either way he doesn’t feel like a rapist. Every single thing he says about every single girl he talks about, it tears me up. I know it isn’t my fault, but it feels like it. If only I was older, prettier, smarter. If only I was a better person, if I understood the things he said, to the fullest.