Venting going on inside my head that needs to be written (Part Uno)

My step mom is not the Wicked Witch of the West but to me she's pretty close. I understand that I cannot accept her as anything because I like it just being my dad and me. After my first step mom I really didn't like anyone else because I don't know how I am suppose to accept anyone close to me but it is more to my annoyance that my current step mom and step sister are just a bother in my life.

It is not like my dad has a lot of money. We live in an apartment with two rooms. My dad knew that in marrying someone I wouldn't adapt quickly so I still kept my own room. Thank God. My dad's room is the one being shared and it annoys me. Since it's summer vacation my step sister sleeps in his room because that is where the desktop is. My dad and his wife sleep in the bed-sofa. I've sat there a couple times and the matress is thin so you can feel those little things under it ("muelles" in spanish). My dad is the only one in this "family" that works and he has been working over time lately, so I think he should sleep on his own bed.

My step mom and step sister are illegal so they can't work. My step mom doesn't even know how to drive. My dad has to work for all of us and that doesn't seem fair. Sure, she cleans the house but before she came in my life I would clean the house every once in a while. But something about her cleaning the apartment that really annoys the hell out of me is that she doesn't clean my room. She just doesn't. Maybe she did at the beginning like once or twice but that was about it. She isn't my slave or maid but if she cleans the other rooms why not mine? When I cleaned, I cleaned every room. Why didn't I ever clean the bathroom? Because I have asthma and I'm allergic to the products which my dad knows and before she came he would clean it but it's not that hard and at least he closed the door when he did, she leaves it opened.

Her food. For being cuban, I love my cuban food and especially my dad's food. He cooks deliciously and it's so good you just want to lick your fingers at the end. She is colombian. People say Colombia and Cuban food are almost the same but they are not! I hate their food. They barely ever eat with rice and eat a lot of cheese. Sure, I like cheese but would you like a banana cut in half with cheese in the middle and cooked?!?!

Before they moved in, my dad said that he needed someone to help him. I understand that. My dad is still young and he lived alone with me, but in reality, she isn't much help. I have been staying alone at home since I was nine years old. When my dad wasn't there to make me lunch, I'd make myself anything. I'd never get burned. I never burnt down the house. I never ran away. I never answered the door to strangers (except one time that it was the delivery guy and my dad yelled at me for a couple of hours but then got over it). What I mostly needed when I was alone, was lunch. In the present, nothing changed. She doesn't make lunch for me or her daughter. I have to make something myself and all I do are either eggs or spaghetti and when I do make them, just to show that I'm angry but no one really gets it, I know that her daughter doesn't like garlic so when I make spaghetti or rice I put garlic in it. When they make spaghetti they don't cook it with salsa at the end and add cheese to it, and mostly no one does it like that, but I like the salsa cooked with the spaghetti so I make the whole packet and do it my way.

They aren't a big help. I know my dad might be happy. He has someone to vent with about his day, and oh my God, does my dad like talking. I must get it from someone...But I really can't see him with anyone. I only saw him with my first step mom. She was nice I guess, a little weird too but I trusted her until she cheated on my dad. What mostly hurt me is that she moved out just before I was turning into a young lady, meaning I started with my period and such. Those times helped me and my dad actually get closer because since I didn't have a mom to go to and ask to buy me pads, it had to be my dad. Sure, it was a little awkwuard at first but we got over it and now everything is cool. We talk about anything, and almost even sex even though he has never given me "the talk". Anywho, after my first step mom, I guess the closest mom figure would have been my best friend's mom. She dated my dad after a while and I really liked her and still do, but they seperated. Then my dad dated someone about twenty years younger than him and she had a tiny devil and I hated her. Now there is my current step mom and even though she might be nice and try to be a mother to me, I just can't accept her.

I understand all of those things, but as a mom it's too late to accept anyone. Ever since I was taken away from my last two mother figures which were my grandma and aunt at age eight, I've pretty much shaped myself into a girl. I was never a tom boy but I probably would have been if I would have had brothers but I've always been an only child. Since eight, my first step mom didn't fix my hair and having curly, uncontrolable hair is a pain. So I'd tried to fix it all on my own. I learned to apply make up on my own, even though I was too little for make up, sometimes I'd just wear it for fun like any other kid and it was never dark. I thought that make up took the real beauty from the face so it was always light make up. After, I learned about menstruation on my own. I had to deal with the cramps without knowing what to take. Then it was facing middle school. Who did I went to talk to about drama? No one, even though the only drama I found myself in my dad knew about and told me to stay away from the girl because he thought she was a lesbian 'cause she kept hugging my best friend at the movies. Weird much? It was. But that is why I love my dad. I learned to shave on my own even though that isn't that hard. And now, I pretty much have learned everything on my own. I straighten my own hair, as difficult as it is. Do my nails, apply pretty, non-abundant make up, and even do my eyebrows which I got complimented on the other day. I learned to do it all without a mom. Why do I need a mom now?

I'm turning 15 in about five months, and then come the Quinces, but I don't want to have a Quinces party. I rather have that money to go visit my family back in Cuba. Then comes high school. That doesn't seem like a big problem for me. My dad has talked to me about boys. He actually encourages me to have a boyfriend. I tell him that I don't need one because boys are stupid but he just tells me I need to learn about different kinds of love and about men. Kind of weird but I'm comferrable talking to my dad about it. Then comes driving, and my dad can handle that. Then it's pretty much the rest of my life and I don't need a mom with me. There's the wedding, but I have a pretty awesome best friend and I think we'll always be best friends but still there is also my family. I have lots of awesome aunts and cousins. So in reality, I don't need a mom, I just need my dad. He has been both dad and mom to me since I was eight years old.

My step mom and step sister are really just a bother in my life. I don't need a sister to talk to because I practically talk to myself. I don't need a mom because I've already got a mom. All I need is my dad. But I understand that he doesn't want to be old and not have anyone to share those times with. I understand that he is a man that deserves the world and a woman to love him. I understand that he works hard for us because he wants to and loves us. I understand that he just wants to be happy. I understand that he needs her. I just don't understand how I could write so much and talk none stop.

I'll stick through the annoyance in my life because of all the great things my dad has done. It's not like I have any other choice, I wouldn't actually tell him to get rid of her.

Exhausted,
Chelen.

(Spell Check is being stupid)