The day following irreversible heartbreak

Hey there,
Okay so perhaps the title is a bit much. But when you feel the way I do nothing even compares. I didnt see him at uni thismorning, and im not sure if that's good or bad. And now i've been listening to Taylor Swift for an hour. In some weird way I think it helps, you know, to know i'm not the only one to suffer such pain. He wasn't even mine, so how can I feel so hurt by it? I question and analyse every word I wrote yesterday wondering what it was exactly that made him ignore me. To be honest I just sounded like a cow. My bestfriend backed me up on that too. And that made it hurt worse.. self doubt is one thing but to have your stupidity confirmed by someone you so fully trust and respect. Well that is another.

I just need him to talk to me, properly. When we talk in person its perfect, it is. Well nearly. I am a little more reserved than I am around my friends but that comes with self confidence. Its been 5 months now. 5 months since I met him and knew s.t.r.a.i.g.h.t a.w.a.y
Doesn't he know too? I thought he did. Well that was before I found out he had a girlfriend, and before I mucked things up last night.. And before you think im trying to get in the way of someone elses happiness he is single now. That worried me, for a while.. I thought "what if she dumped him, and he still really likes her?" but someone set it straight for me. If she dumped him, he'll be hurt and that will make him not like her- because she hurt him so much (or so I'd hope). But when I think about things, in perspective, all I want is for him to be happy. And if thats not with me I can take it. I can. I'm not the sort of girl who needs a boyfriend, I never have been. But i've also never felt like this toward anyone.

Its like he's immune from my judgementalness. And i'm not trying to say he's perfect. I know he's not. No one is. But nothing he does can put me off him, but it currently seems like that is not true in reverse. I put him off me. I said something stupid. Something that made me sound.. well not like me. And now all I want is for him to give me another chance; hear me out; talk to me. And when we are getting somewhere I want to tell him, one day in the future. Most likely the very distant future.. Luke, I am the one for you.