Help! Where is my God!?

For Grapes sake! Have I been wrong for so long? See the thing is I've thought for the longest time that life was all about the experience. It's so full of feelings and emotions good or bad it's full of them. I thought I was put here to taste it all, to touch everything and everyone. "I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest " is what Jesus said right?

But my best friend and trusted spiritual... guilder? She told me I was totally off base. She said life is all about God and experiences are fleeting and worldly. She said we're supposed to experience God.

Well I think that just sucks. Why on earth would he make all this great stuff just to tell us we're not supposed to figure it all out, to experience it and understand it. I’m so angry and upset that I just can’t accept that part of my faith. It’s scary and makes me feel like I’m falling. I love him so much but I have so many questions that can’t be answered, or can and I don’t like the answers.

What am I supposed to do? God is all I’ve got and I’m even starting to question him. Is what he promises as grand as they told me when I was little? They told me in Sunday school that we’d go to heaven and it would all be better. No more pain, everyone happy, but I don’t know if that’s what God promises. Maybe I’m just not reading my bible closely enough. I love him but to give up… a chance at life? I must decide soon if it’s worth it, or if that’s even what he wants. Ugh I wish things were less complex or I at least had some help or something. I’ll work it out eventually I guess. Until then I’ll just keep chugging along!